Another Wobbly Day

Sorry Everyone!

Was in such a state earlier that it sounded like it was the doctors blood sugar levels had come down the way I wrote it and not my husband Jays. Sorry I'm just feeling really emotional about everything today and don't know why. Jay's treatment so far has been very positive all his blood tests have come back ok his liver and kidney functions have been ok too, so I sometimes ask myself why I am feeling like this. It's even good that his blood sugar levels have come down and at least his diabetes meds are doing their job. All I want now is his CT scan to come back with good results and tell us the chemotherapy is working. All through my life it usually turns out if something good is happening someone or something is just waiting around the corner to bring it all crashing down again and that's why I can never be optimistic about anything. Oh dear. now I'm sounding like a broken record and repeating myself over and over again because I think I've been on here already voicing this. I'm glad though that I can come on here and be able to relate to everyone here in what we are all going through and some here have worse problems than myself. Thank you all for being here.

Vicky xx

It’s just the run up to the scans . It amplifies everything we feel .

We all understand. You have no need to apologise. We want the best for Jay too and here with you as you work your way round to the results.

Mum is over 40 scans and it still gets me . In fact I am starting to get a fear of drs and hospitals in general then I remind myself of all the good they do too!

We are only human .

Take care ,

Court 

Thank you Court. I feel so guilty after reading your recent post with what you have been going through again with your mum and dad. As i said makes my problems seem so trivial. I want to be positive for Jay but its just so hard some days especially the days when he is feeling really down. We're away to the caravan tomorrow again for a couple of days before the chemo ritual all starts again next week. Thanks for being here. 

Vicky

Hi Vicky, I'm sorry you're feeling a wee bit down, I can say all the things you want to hear, it'll be fine, he's doing so well, he's taking it in his stride, but it really is how you feel, I've vented on here many times,you were one of the first people I actually had a long convo with, you calmed me so many times, he's doing well, you can wobble as much as you like, we're all here for each other. I'm off for my op tomorrow, nope, its today, its 2.30am, I won't sleep, my sluggish bowels are getting near to clear, ish!!! I've had picolax, better than the other stuff as you don't have to drink so much, I've drank nearly 8 litres today,  trying to push things along, it said on admission letter I could eat until midnight, didn't have anything after breakfast, though the way my bowels are I'd be here til next week. So I'm off in for 7am, the robot will be doing its thing, along with my wonderful surgeon, and I'll be able to have a sleep!! We all need to vent and let off steam, to have a wobble, or have a crow when things go well, (strange saying that, having a "crow"),but you're not only helping Jay through his chemo, you also pick up so many other people with a kind word, and a bit of info that you're able to impart, I know that I'm in your debt, you really did help me through a dark time when I'd just been diagnosed, and had different consultants wanting different things, and I thank you for that, I thought I knew something about cancer, after 54, years, 55, on the 28th, on this planet we call home, turns out I knew nothing, and I've tried to soak up info,but everyone's different. Ive scared myself silly at times, but theres always someone to keep you in the present. Have a nice break in your caravan, get some fresh air, and get the "wobbly" cobwebs blown away.  Talk soon, I'll keep everything crossed for Jay's scan on the 27th. My sisters a bit crazy, I was a bit down yesterday, as the executors of Joan's will are doing nothing, and I don't even know if her body has been released,  or post mortem done, I would think so after 2 weeks and 2 day's, anyway, sis sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers, firstly, they had 2 stocks flowers in, that made me and Steve get blocked up, so perfumed,  and secondly, I won't be around to see them, as you can't have flowers in hospital, bless her she's a sweet soul, this has "shooken" her, as she says. Take care, and wobble away, a there's so many wonderful people on here, they'll pick you up amd dust you off if you wobble that much. Rosie xx 

Hi Rosie!! So good to hear from you. I thought you had already been through your operation and was recovering!! Were you not supposed to go into the 6th of this month?? Aww you're a `wee darlin` thank you so much for your kind words it has made me feel that wee bit better and you are so right, there are a lot of wonderful people on here. You are sounding so upbeat yourself at finally getting something done you've waited long enough!! It's good to know I've been a bit of a comfort for you in your `dark times` and it's a nice feeling to think you've helped someone even if it's only having a sympathetic ear. My older sister has been `playing up` a bit too recently I think I told you that she has mild learning difficulties every now and then she tells me someone is playing loud music in the complex she lives in and I've taken up with the warden and as it turns out its all rubbish. There used to be a man that lived opposite her, and she kept saying he was playing loud music and I asked the warden about this again and the chap she was going on about had died 2 years ago. Now she's saying new people have moved in and they are doing the same thing. This comes in a pattern with her we've found now. Margaret has a friend she has known for about 50 odd years they're both in their 70's and well retired and met when they worked in the same factory it was one of these factories run by disabled charities. Then this wee girl who is only in her 50's not much younger than me started to work at the same factory and she has latched herself on to Fiona (Margaret's friend) and its been like that for the last good few years and now Margaret sees this as a threat as this `wee besom` is apparently staying a few nights at Fiona's house and Margaret is feeling left out. This wee girl has learning difficulties too but finds it easy to manipulate Fiona.  Margaret n this other girl unfortunately `clash` and just don't get on so with Margaret the way she is this all gets to her, and she starts to invent stories etc to get attention. She told me a while ago a man and a woman were going round her complex with bags trying to break into the flats which was all fictitious again. Everytime she does this I need to check in with the warden in case she is saying it over there and gets herself into trouble. I've had her at a mental health consultation and everything because she threatened suicide one time because no one was believing her, and they got her meds all altered and a mental health nurse would come out and visit her every so often just to see how she was. So, I've got all this as well as having to go through all this with Jay (though that's not his fault no one expects to get cancer). Thank god for Myla our wee granddaughter she keeps us sane and the caravan where we can escape for a little while. Hope everything goes well for you Rosie though you're probably in there now getting prepped or maybe you've been through. So this is something for you to read when you wake up and come to. Take Care Rosie. Sending Big Hugs to you.

Vicky xx

You have so much to deal withop went on, I'm in bed, waiting for pain meds  there's a staff shortage  I think, I've only seem my nurse one, went down a t 9am, woke up at 5.40pm, hope all goes well

• That lazt message didn't make much sense, me I mean, its gone 1am, I'm.in a bay of 4, 1 lady is constantly shouting OW, Gill her name is, I asked of she was in pain,she said "no I'm just being dramatic" no sleep since I I woke in recovery, Gill is obviously mentally impaired, but has lucid moments, I have a lovely lady opposite, she's been dealt hard cancer blows over the years, bladder, womb,now she has stage 2 colon cancer, came in as her kidneys packed up, and got sepsis, overcame it in 6 weeks, ahe has some consuls me, and she said Deena was very matter of fact,cold even, and sais yea uts satge 2, but you'll never be fit for any surgery, and has been given no more options, nochemo, as she's too weak,but she's a fighter, and has an ileostomy, she's come into have some bags drained from her kidneys, very strange, .appalled she's been written off, surely they can do something. She's gonna ask for a  2nd opinion.  I'm a little sore, its my back pain that's the problem. 
• Sorry t to hear your sister is playing up again. Hope Jay's OK. I'm gonna readjust my sleeping position see if that helps rhe back pain, take care. You'll be just fine. Rosie xx 

Hi Rosie!

Just got your message. Glad to hear you're ok. Just back from Jay's oncology appointment pre his cycle 4 starting tomorrow. Saw the head oncologist today and really, he says he's doing great his bloods have come back ok again and then he has the `dreaded CT scan` a week today the oncologist said he will try to get the results of that back for his next appointment in 3 weeks' time. Seemingly there is a backlog of scan reports coming back but he said he'll do his best to request it coming back for then. Hope you keep well and are home soon. Take Care.

Vicky xx