Starting to resent chronic chemo

Hi, Jim100, no tips, but just to say please ring the  Macmillan helpline. It sounds like discussing it with people who know may help you. Or/and you can get a referral to a counselor which is not as scary as it may sound. But please do keep posting on here to vent your feelings, even that will help you. Usually someone around to listen. Sending all the best, and big ((hugs))

hi Jim, I can understand how this is crushing you. No wonder you're angry. I had earlier staging,11 years ago but the memories are still vivid. Many things went wrong too numerous to mention. I too was resentful and my emotions were all over the place. For five years I relentlessly had complications which got me down. Luckily I had and have a supportive network of people around me. Stoma and kidney- wise I'm OK but suffer with acute anxiety since first lockdown as I'm clinically vulnerable. I try and take one day at a time and not think ahead. I enjoy having family and friends around me which for me is comforting. Your situation is different, I truly hope you find something that helps you.

Thank you so much for your comments.  I will call Macmillan and speak to them.  You're very kind.  

Jim

Thank you Kath.  I do have a good support network but I just dont want my anger issues to spread to them.  I'm going to seek help.  Thanks for responding. 

Jim

Hi Jim100

I don’t blame you at all . It’s a lot going through constant chemo . My mum had treatment breaks which helped her draw strength again . It’s a risk .

My mum’s very wise surgeon said even those with the most robust inner resources become depleted into the second year and it was certainly the more intense part to begin with for mum. However a dose reduction helped her greatly . Does your team know how you feel ? 

I also feel having somewhere to say how you really feel without upsetting family , our helpline staff does have local resources that might help you .0808 808 0000.

Mum is in her 13 th year with a potential recurrence. Bit gutted for her at this age but she will decide for herself the best way forward .

I think constant chemotherapy has to be tailored to quality of life also so maybe a chat with your team might let you have a look at options .

I get angry at cancer /illness too . I think we will always wrestle with it coming into our families . 

Take care ,

Court 

Hi Court,

Thanks for your kind input.  I've accepted the dosing and illness.  Just feel guilty that I'm feeling angry towards the process and necessity of going into this never-ending regime, and find myself impatient with the oncologists and staff.  The oncologist is not in favour of me suspending treatment for now...which is fine...but I did tell him I wanted to reduce the frequency of scans.  They make me I'll.  But....the requests for scans keep coming as if he hasn't listened to me.  

I do have to decide how to balance life while engaging with treatment.  I've had 20 sessions now....no end in sight.  My life revolves around the next interactions and that is becoming a burden.  I will have to make decisions about how to proceed. 

Thanks for taking the time to reply.  It's kind of you.

Jim

Hi Jim100. Have you thought about posting on the Bowel Cancer UK Board too? There’s at least 2 people on there with 100+ chemos under their belt who might have some good coping advice? x

Thank you Karen.  I'll have a look at that. You're very kind.

Jim

Hello Jim,

my brother is in a similar situation to you. He is one year into treatment and he’s feeling the same as you. He is engaging with treatment but his quality of life has been badly affected. I hope that your team can get the balance right for you and listen to what you want. The treatment needs to be tailored to your needs as an individual. Wishing you the best of luck.