Always in my head

Hi MJ84. This is a totally normal feeling and often underestimated as part of a cancer journey. I felt quite alone once my chemo had finished as I’d gone from regular hospital visits to nothing. Hopefully once you have good bloods and scan results you’ll feel a bit better but in the early days I felt to just be living from test to test willing the next one to come around.

Time is a great healer and a few clear tests and scans will start to reassure you. I tried to tell myself that worrying about it coming back would not make any difference - it only changes your enjoyment of the present. If it doesn’t come back then you’ve not had the enjoyment you could have had by worrying and if it does come back then the same applies. You are going to be closely monitored for the next 3 years and if anything was to flag up then it would be picked up quickly. 
A lot of people have found this paper really helpful and you could let your hubby read it too?

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Lastly there is a Life after Cancer board where the Highlander dishes out some very good advice if you want to pop over for a read?

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/life-after-cancer-forum

Take care

Karen x

Hi MJ84!

My husband had his bowel tumour removed in January this year too. His operation went very well, and they said they got it all and margins round about it were clear and they removed some nodes also to be on the safe side. I asked at his follow up appointment in February if he needed anymore chemo or radiotherapy sessions (he had this pre-op ) and they said it wasn't necessary. Four months down the line In May, he went for a further follow up appointment and they did blood tests and we got a letter to say that his CEA markers had risen which may indicate his cancer had returned and then a further CT scan confirmed that it had. Apparently some small micro cells which were very hard to detect got through again and it was back in his bowel membranes. Good for you in getting the precautionary chemo because I am feeling very angry that even though I asked, they said further chemo was not necessary and I feel if it got done he wouldn't be having to go through further cycles of chemo now as he has to do. His cancer has metastasised slightly too so don't know if this treatment will rid him of it now fully. He begins his second cycle of chemo at the end of this week.  I refuse to use the word `cured` now because we got too complacent thinking it had gone and never gave it a second thought to it coming back and so soon we were just so relieved when told they got it all which I'm sure they thought they had, but never thought it would resurface so soon so I just remain `cautiously optimistic`. But honestly to look at my hubby you would think there was nothing wrong with him. He is eating normally sleeping he has never been a one for going a whole night sleeping and we have some family issues going on at the moment- some of the regulars I connect with here will know about that- but other than that he just seems his normal self if that wee bit more tired and his mobility has slowed up slightly. He's had no adverse effects of the chemo so far (touch wood) the only thing is the neuropathy in his fingers when going to the fridge and he forgets and needs to put a pair of gloves on. Yes it will be hard for you to think the cancer it coming back and it'll just be easy for everyone else to say to `just get on with things` but I hope things get better for you coming on here helps a lot they're a great lot on here and you always find someone who is going through the same situation as yourself. and can give you advice. Take Care. 

Vicky

I don’t think anyone with a cancer diagnosis can or should ever use the word cured …. My breast cancer surgeon stated very clearly early on that the aim was NED ( no evidence of disease) and that you should never hear the word cured from a medical professional. It is sobering to hear   Cautiously optimistic is a very good description and as time goes by ( ie a year or three) we can allow our optimism to build