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Hi JoeyB

So sorry you had a difficult consultation. It’s so hard when it’s delivered in a harsh way . I have experienced that too . Surgeon was compassionate but the original oncologist was factual to the point of it feeling a big brutal . 
Take a few days to recover and find your feet . Liver surgery can be tricky as it does not necessarily have to be a lot of cancer to make it inoperable . Location comes into play in that it can be abutting a blood vessel that is impossible to get a good margin around . That’s how it was explained to us . My mum had one was close but as it shark opened up a wider margin .

Did his case go to a centre of excellence for the liver . Worthwhile making sure they have seen the scans . 
However we have people on the forums who are using maintenance chemotherapy for five and six years . You definitely need to speak to his team about getting on top of the side effects . My mum had her dose reduced which helped greatly . I think it’s more like treating cancer as a chronic condition . 

My mum’s oncologist was quite optimistic that my mum could do that as she responded well to treatment even though it made her unwell. The second year we got better at giving feedback to make use her quality of life was maintained and balanced out better .

There is a forum for secondary liver cancer however your welcome to stay here too .

I stayed here throughout mum’s treatment .

It will take some time to level out . 
I will enclose a booklet you might find helpful if you have not read it before .

Take care ,

Court 

https://bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/Publications/TreatingAdvancedBowelCancer_BowelCancerUK.pdf

Have read this one ?

Court 

Thank you for responding.  We are being referred for a second opinion via our oncologist but I know that it is not operable and the reasons why.  It is too close to the main blood supply.  But does this mean it is terminal and do we seek help with palliative care?  Do we just keep taking the chemo and react to what happens. How long to do we have.  Keeping chemo going is a dreadful thought but if we have to learn to live with that we will.  I will read the booklet.  Thank you again.

Hi. We're in a very similar position, my husband had colon cancer late 2020 and has a stoma and secondaries on his liver. Went on chemo, had great reaction and the tumour shrunk enough to be put forward for liver surgery. Got as far as being admitted - almost got the gown on when the surgeon told him he shouldn't have got that far as there were more tumours and suggested going back on stronger chemo - which he did.  However it didn't work and the tumours have grown.  He's now on Lonsurf tablet chemo - doesn't have a great reputation but worth a try although it seems to be making him sick and nauseous quite often. He doesn't want to go for clinical trials  - at least not yet. The oncologist told us to get everything in order - wills, finances as he could die virtually any time although he's a very strong and stubborn man. We do feel as though we're on the scrap heap though and the support from the cancer unit is quite sparce. It's hard to know what to expect, how long he's got and just what happens next. I suppose no-one knows timewise but it's a weird way to live. Sometimes I think I'm going a bit mad with all the frustration.  There has also been no support at all from any direction for the 'carer'which has surprised me a lot. I think we're all going through similar 'in limbo' situations which can be hard to accept.

Hi 

This part I really struggled with . Clinically I understood it was not curative but the treatable aspect took a lot to get my head around .

However my own mum was in active treatment for over seven years as a stage 4 patient and would have been under the umbrella of palliative care within the NHS system . Similar to patients with heart failure who were living life with a chronic condition which was life limiting and threatening but could potentially in some peoples situation go on for a long time and had many variables . 

However it was probably my sisters advise that gave me some more solid ground to work with. She quite firmly said whilst mum is alive with treatment options we do not live under a shadow of death . When the Drs tell us she has no more treatment options to pursue we have moved into the terminal stage and would seek more external care at that point .

I had many , many patients myself who would have come under this definition for a variety of illnesses so could relate to that .

Learning how to deal with the uncertainty and treatment side effects also was a learning curve . Accepting that was her life at this juncture was also hard . We actually have a group for relatives who are going through the same palliative situation both you and Drizzle are facing where curative is not a option . 
I will link it in as you might find it a benefit to connect with other relatives who are working out the various elements of this situation and have the freedom to talk as patients have a separate group . 
Sorry to hear of your husbands situation Drizzle

https://www.england.nhs.uk/eolc/
This link should take you to the NHS information on palliative resources of you want to see what options are available.

I have little knowledge of lonsurf other that when it works it seems to do a good job at stability for the small subgroup and we did have one lady whose husband was on it for over a year and really well on it . However I have heard the other accounts too . It’s a tough one .

Take care ,

Court 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/supporting-someone-with-incurable-cancer-forum

This group is very active if you want to look for some support their too .

Take care ,

Court 

Hello.  My name is Joanne by the way!  Your message brought tears to my eyes as I can feel the anxiety levels this must have caused and the distress.  It seems so similar to our story.  We feel we are now on the scrap heap too - not even a suggestion from the oncologist or nurse in the room that we could reach out to them if we had further questions.  I can't understand how as the carer you are suppose to cope either - keeping everything together but knowing in the end you will be left behind. I guess all we can do is one day at a time as it surely is all the energy I have!  Thank you for your message.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, my husband has a 3cm tumour which has not spread but they will not operate or offer chemo due to his enlarged heart. He feels abandoned so I understand how you are feeling. He has no symptoms, the tumour was picked up when they were investigating something else. I wish that they had never found it as he now reacts to every twinge as if it is the end coming. It is so hard to cope with. 
Pauline x