Distant and stressed

Hi Smileymo

I feel for you. It’s so tough on both of you. My husband and I found it stressful and we just plodded through. Sadly there was something wrong with my husband. I thought he seemed distant and he had lost his smile. I thought he was cross 

He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease six weeks after my operation 

Keep plodding on and have some space at times. 
I hope that you can get out together and have some fun try and have some good times. 

Hi Artsie

sorry to hear about your husband when you were going through stuff as well, I feel for you.

having lots of space as he is keeping distant and he doesn’t want to go out together anywhere. Fun has gone out through the window at the moment.

best wishes

smileymo

Oh dear Smileymo 

I am sorry that you’re not having the support you need. 
I hope you find some support here

Do you have other friends and family?
 
They may step up to support you if he’s not able. 
It’s such a worrying time I was beside myself and although my husband was unwell he really supported me through my treatment. 

Take care 

It comes up a lot here Smileymo I think it’s part of the helplessness people sometimes feel when someone they love is going through a very difficult physical illness and there is not anything they can do to alter that . Just when you need their support they do a “tortoise “ and retract to a safer place . I will be honest and say it took me a while to find solid ground even watch my mum go through it . Every emotion seemed amplified. I went to my GP and that was a turning point for me . Eventually we get there but I will forever have an image of a main in the waiting room . His leg was bouncing with anxiety and his wife supporting him . Then much to my surprise they called her into see the consultant .

We have also had partners that in some unexplained way feel a sense of anger that this has been brought into their lives . Strange as that is too but it’s to me a surfacing of the most intense emotions and no immediate solution. Both my sister and I felt a sense of anger that seemed illogical and never had before or since . 

Most people report it passing though . If he is open to chatting our helpline staff are there for him  too . 0808 808 0000

I worked as a community occupational therapist for a decade and it would surprise you some of the approaches family members have take when life altering situations occur .  Both my parents unexpectedly took Sick within two weeks of each other and I  can’t even say what thought past through my mind as it still embarrassing. However the good news with the right support we get to more solid ground and strength .

This is most certainly the place to come and share . If you use the search function you will see it’s a well worn path ! ( magnify glass at the top right ) 

Take care ,

Court 

Thank you court for your reply I really appreciate it.  
he is still supportive takes me to all my appointments waits patiently for hours sometimes, it’s just happened after my treatment this distance and yes there is anger there, like I said previously I can’t talk to him about anything it always ends up arguing. So I tend to walk away

yes I suppose we both feel helpless in a situation that we have  never experienced before.  He is a problem solver and thinks logically due to his job (retired now) and he can’t solve this one.

I suppose it’s time, let him deal with it his way, although this is not natural to us both.  Hopefully time will heal in so many ways

thanks again court

take care 

That’s great he is by your side in all of this . One thing I found hard was one of the people I would have previously voiced my fears to was the person I no longer could as I would potentially upset them .

I always encourage relatives to find some support too . It helps on so many levels . 

You are right though , it’s an entirely new situation you have both been thrown into and he will adjust . It’s amazing how it starts to settle and you find your feet as a relative . I was much better after a few months .

Hope your doing ok ?

Court