Terrified

Hi Coughdrop

I’m sorry you find yourself here. 

I can fully understand your anxiety as you’ve had the Cancer diagnosis before it’s even more stressful.

I would imagine the old trauma of 2010  is straight back with the fear of this. 

Firstly Bowel cancer is extremely treatable and you are in the system. Hopefully you’ll have the colonoscopy quickly and any further investigations needed and then you’ll get your treatment plan. 
If you click on peoples names you’ll be able to read their bios. 

I was very anxious and was in continual flight or fight mode unable to do either I passed the time by watching easy movies. I downloaded apps on my phone to aid relaxation and give my mind a break from overthinking. 
If it helps keep in touch here others will be along soon

sending you a hug

hi Coughdrop, you must be so scared. I really feel for you. Just think about getting through  the next hour, the next morning, the next afternoon. You will get through it even though you feel right now you can't. Keep taking deep in and out breaths. You certainly are no wimp.  Keep talking. Lots of people are listening. Thinking of you. X.

Thank you so very much for your very kind and empathetic reply. I appreciate it so much and will read your reply many times.  I will try to distract myself. I am stuck in flight with surges of adrenaline and trying to let the dark thoughts pass through without dwelling on them.  It is so good to be able to speak to people who understand what the fear feels like.  It is quite overwhelming.  Thank you again from my heart.  Xxx

Dear Kath, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to respond to me.  It is so very kind of you.  I will try to take a step at a time.  I just feel quite overwhelmed with the potential outcomes and my mind keeps taking me to them.  Your kindness means more than you can imagine. It is a lonely thing, isn't it, even when you have a supportive family because you are alone with the fearful thoughts.  Thank you again. xxx

Hi Coughdrop

Thanks for your lovely comments.
It’s true that here you can have support from people that understand I also think that my family have benefited from my joining as it’s kept me plodding on and I haven’t bombarded them with my anxieties

Those dark thoughts are horrible  I listened to an app to meditate or whatever  it just gave me a break  thirty minutes a day  sometimes I did it twiceIt helped  haven’t touched them since 

Sending you a hug 

Hi Coughdrop and a warm welcome to the board from me. There are several things that can cause blood in your poo like crohns, diverticulitis, irritable bowel so try not to assume the worst. Only 1 in 10 colonoscopies result in a cancer diagnosis but it is the best way of getting to the bottom of the problem. Thoughts are not facts so please try to distract yourself until you’ve had the colonoscopy and know what you’re dealing with.
If, and it is an if at this stage, it does turn out to be cancer then there is a lot of treatment available and everyone on here will be happy to help and support you through it.

Take care and let us know how you get on

Karen x

Thank you so, so much Karen. I really appreciate your kindness and words.  I am trying to distract myself but I feel almost frozen with fear.  My brain is definitely my worst enemy at the moment.  I have written myself off already.  My poor husband keeps wanting to talk about what we are going to do in the future and silently I am thinking "if I am still here "   I know that's not helping, but I feel like my brain has a mind of its own.  Thank you again. X