Husband's Bowel Cancer

I think its because he was told all the cancer was gone and then a blood test showed that the CEA chemical has risen? prompted them to send him for the CT scan. It's just so frightening to think that it might be back. He was starting to get back to his normal self again with his daft one liners and sarky comments and `in jokes` and now I know he is going to withdraw back into himself again in the next couple of days. Anyone with any support going through this or has experienced this in the past would be a help. Would be great to hear your thoughs.

Hi PattyK

I can totally understand why it’s concerning but it did use to be standard practice.

Should it bring news that more intervention is required please remember that my mum had a few tumours removed due to these life saving scans and quickly removed . It was not easy by any means but it was worth it . Procedures like radio frequency ablation are coming into play a lot and not as invasive. 
The anxiety is awful but a lot more options are available. 
Hopefully it’s nothing of concern , sometimes things are just not clear . 
take care ,

Court 

Thank you

Thanks court!  I really do hope its `something and nothing` I had little `breakdown` earlier this evening think its something I've needed for so long and I just had to `let it all out`. James is worried I know he is but ironically he is the one who seems to be holding it together and I'm the one going to pieces. I just couldn't bear losing him! I've lost too many people over the last couple of years- a lot to cancer including my parents. It's true what they say you don't realise what a b`strd cancer can be until it lands on your doorstep. He has been doing really great over the last couple of weeks as I said getting back to his `jokey self` and actually venturing outside for a little while. The nurse who phoned us as I said sounded `upbeat` but I don't know if that's the way they're `told to be` and I asked her if anything was wrong because she was phoning but of course they're not authorised to tell you over the phone. She told James though that his surgeon had a `very busy week` and she had been on call a lot so we are assuming she has not had the time to dictate a letter to her secretary to post out and it's quicker for he to see us this way. I am praying to God that it is all going to be a positive (good) outcome. 

Hi ,

Does you the world of good to release some of these emotions .

Its a horrible process and I would much prefer to know and have time to process information before a consultation as I feel it removes some of the “unknown” fears and gives you time to formulate some questions if required .

I would comfort myself by thinking if such a situation arose we would be seeking the best of intervention to resolve it . That was always my backup strategy and it got me through a few sticky situations . Then there was the nice surprises where I was dreading the worst news with sneaky CEA only to discover the scans were clear !

Thinking of you both .

Court 

Thank you again Court!

Didn't have a good night. Sitting up at 3.a.m this morning with all different thoughts running through my head. I feel so guilty tho that I'm making it all about me  and its James I should be thinking of. Lots of `what ifs` going on in my head just now but good I can come on here and vent what I need to get out and find that there are others who have or are going through the same thing and that anxiety in waiting on scan results is real and not just in your imagination. At least we only have another couple of days before we find out and its not weeks in advance I think I would be in a crumpled heap by then if it was. I just feel myself going back to the way I was this time last year before we actually found out about James's cancer diagnosis and just feeling sick and nauseous all over again but I know that's nerves. I had to get my GP to up my meds for depression last year when this happened. I have depression but this made it 10 times worse. You always get news like this. This `wee bugger` cancer is doing its damnest to play with our minds again when we thought we had `kicked its ass`. Hopefully it'll all be ok. Will keep you posted.

Vicky.

Have you ever noticed when you get news like ours it either comes on or just before a weekend so the f**k it all up for you

Fell as though we can't look forward to anything as well. Kind of started to look to the future again about doing all sorts of things and now we don't know if these will all need to be put `on hold` again. The minute we start planning something I can't be positive about it because I'm wondering if its all going to be taken away again. I'm hoping I'm reading too much into it and again hopefully it'll all be ok. 

Hi PattyK

I actually think we got exhausted trying not to think about the future that we eventually started again but maybe with closer time scales like celebrating birthdays , booking weekends away . Taking back a bit of control again . It was harder to think long term but shorter ones really helped .

My mum always , always had an issue over the weekend ! It’s rotten for sure . But you are going to get there as a couple . It’s great that you enjoy him in your life so much . 

Did you say it was your wedding anniversary? I absolutely refused to surrender all good times to a horrible diagnosis. Whilst it took me all my strength at times , even if it’s a small card or coffee out I would insist . It was my way of pulling all our lives back .

If you need more help from your GP I can only encourage you to seek their intervention . This is not easy and we all need each other at times .

Hope today is a bit easier and you can get some rest .

Courtv

Hi Court

Yes our anniversary ironically is this coming Tuesday. Had plans but don't know now. We didn't have an anniversary last year because at that time we didn't even have the diagnosis so feels like history repeating itself again. Thirty nine years we've been together thirty six of them married. At times in the past I could see him far enough and we drove each other up the wall but its that thing `can't live with them, can't live without them` we're each other's `rock` when things get bad. He can't do without me more than I can't do without him but we just can't do without each other we're like a wee comfy pair of slippers as they say. We're fairly new grandparents too our wee granddaughter is almost 2 years old and she's our wee ray of sunshine and I want him here for her too as he absolutely dotes on her my son and his fiancee even brought her up to the hospital when James was in getting his stoma operation the first time and that made his day. I could go on and on thinking the worst but if I do I know I am going to make myself really ill. I'll close for now and come back maybe sometime next week- after Tuesday!! hopefully with good news. Thanks again Court for all your thoughts and best wishes. 

Vicky.