Please help

Ashm 

I wanted to say hello. I’m sorry you’re going through this it’s so frightening please stay off Google. You can find all kinds of things there that are not relevant

It sounds as if the team have the treatment plan which is really good news. Also they are fitting a stoma and they will shrink the tumour. That’s another positive. It’s a good idea to take a pad and pen to the meeting to make notes if your unsure

There are so many people here that have been through the same

If you click on names you can read people bio.

My cancer was operate first and then I didn’t need chemo. But lots of people have had the same as your mum and they will be able to give you lots of advice. 

Take care

Hi 

firstly hiya you are not alone 

This is a very frightening time, totally agree with Artsie stay away from Google the advise given is out of date and somewhat misleading. if you want to look for information use NHS site, or Macmillan (this site)who will give you honest advise, you can call there help line, and get good advise and support. On Facebook Bowel Cancer Support Group Uk. For nutrition advice Penny Brohn run free workshops on zoom about eating well with cancer, exercise, meditation, a really lovely resources, they work with Macmillan as well. So lots of good help and advice.

I was only diagnosed two weeks ago and your mind goes straight to the worst case, the hardest thing I feel to get your mind around it particularly as it’s all so new. 

I sometimes think it can be harder for those supporting the person with cancer, it really feels like you have no control over what is happening.  But that is far from the truth, the medical part seems overwhelming. 

The question I wanted to ask the doctor or nurses was to write things down. You can ask them anything, they really are brilliant and honest. I try to ask more positive type question.

i think that is the one of the most positive things you can do, is even with your mums diagnosis there is good news, they have found it now, they going to start treatment, they have a plan ahead, all really positive news. 

lastly you will be able to support your mum better as long as you are supported as well, 

take care go well

Best Wishes 

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/bowel-cancer

Hi 

Welcome to the forum !

I have linked in a booklet that might help you get a feel for where your mum is at in the process and decode some of the language they use .

If they think it is not curable they normally say that quite quickly and use words like metastatic, or name the organ it has spread to . Sounds as though they are preventing it from obstructing during treatment and downsizing it gets better margins . That’s the hope !

If you are stuck with any part of it our helpline staff can go through it with you . 0808 808 0000

take care ,

Court 

Hello Ashm,

Welcome to the forum, but sorry you find yourself here and I’m sorry to hear about your Mum. You’ll both be going through a roller coaster of emotions at the moment and it’s a frightening time. It’s good your Mum now has a treatment plan in place.

I’ve attached a booklet which I hope will help to explain things in a bit more detail and maybe give you some ideas of questions to ask her team.
https://bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/Publications/YourPathway_BowelCancerUK.pdf

As Artsie Ann says, please stay off google, a lot of stuff on there is scary and totally out of date. Ask anything you want on here, there’s always someone who can give good advice who has been there and done it.

My journey is a bit different to your Mum’s. I had surgery first and was fitted with a stoma, then had chemotherapy. There’ll be a difficult times ahead, but take one step at a time and it is doable.

Take Care,
Net77x

Thank you!.. Google makes things a lot worse and I’ll 100 days away from it. Just doctors are keeping us in the dark so gets hard 

Hi Ashm.

I think sometimes the doctors etc take the lead from us.  I guess some people don't want to know too much so they tell you the minimum and leave it up to us to take the lead regarding how much information to give.

I have always found them happy to give as much information as I needed, but I had to ask for it initially until they realised I wanted/needed to know.

Take Care

Net x

Hi

is it your mum who needs to know everything or you, the doctors will take there lead from your mum and what she has asked to know. You may need to make an appointment separately to talk to the doctors, depending on your mums wishes to her doctors they may only explain what you already know but it would be a chance to get a bit more details.

This is a support group for Carers on Facebook 

www.facebook.com/.../

That’s so true. Net

I only asked one question and that was is it cancer. Their answer not sure until the biopsy after my op but they thought it was. 
I mainly listened to their treatment plan and all the questions in my head were answered. I’m not medically trained so I didn’t want to know the graphic details just the plan to get it in the bin interested me. 

Hi 

Some interesting points raised . I will be very , very honest and say I needed to know way more than my mum . I think it’s the difference between physically going through it and observing it from the sidelines . My mum was like others here .  “ Tell me how to physically get through this “ where as I wanted other questions regarding long term survival and lots and lots of other questions answered that were pressing down on me .

I will also admit to feeling very lost in the early days I could not ask the questions and that was when I turned to forums . I could quietly get familiar with the process , procedures people spoke about and it prepared me to be a better relative . I could prepare for recovery , treatments etc as I had a young family to manage too and it gave me a way to proceed .

I will  also admit that I was worried and scared and probably like you hiding that in front of my mum .

Additionally the one time I asked a question the oncologist asked my mum if it was one she wanted answered and I get it . The relationship is purely between the dr and patient . However I was the one she turned to afterwards to ask lots of questions or piece information together . So before consultations I sat down with my mum and asked her about what she might need to ask and what might be helpful from my point of view with regard to planning and supporting. If she forgot to ask something I could then say “ mum you wanted to know about … “ then she would take it from there !

It is one big learning curve and you will find your way through this . The shock settles and you strength to the process as a relative .

Suddenly things move forward and you get more information.

Hang in there .

Court 

Court 

This is an enlightening insight.
Thank you

My husband was in your role and I often really felt for him   I could see the stress in his face.