Feeling really low

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Hi, after googling some of the  clinical stuff  on my letter, my prognosis has come at as poor and don’t seem to have much chance of survival. When I was in my consultation with my consultant he started on about prognosis and complex cancer. I hadn’t long had my op. So we didn’t go into it. I was told I was cancer free. when I saw him again to sign for chemo he asked did I want to put my body through this, so now I’m thinking he didn’t feel there was much point,. From what I read DRS and OS is very poor. I did ask to speak to  a doctor last w eek  but my chemo nurse  phoned .a s I tried to have a talk about it with my husband. She said my bowel looked healthy and there was no spread, and I was having chemo which was the belts and braces. When I said about my letter she said yes I was higher risk but they deal with that everyday.  She knows I suffer from extremely bad anxiety,  I remember after the op one surgeon said we will treat this as a chronic condition and keep a close eye on you. I’m hoping to get a call from my GP tomorrow. I have an oncologist phoning on Wednesday to talk to me before I go into my next chemo cycle. I am just on my week off, I feel unwell. I went out last night for my grandson ‘s birthday, I haven’t been out for anything  so long like sitting in a restaurant. I felt panic. I was going out every day but not in these surroundings.I don’t know how much is I fee weak from the chemo or my thoughts or just a bit of both. I just want to cope and enjoy life a bit. I’m dreading cycle 3 . Sorry for the long post. I have no pain in my body just the constant ache that I have from this hernia. I just fell low and tired so my mind won’t rest.  

  • Hi Nelly B a few years ago I went through. A very late change, anxiety was the main and I really  bad symptom.I’ve I tried so many things.  Nothing worked. I thought I would never get such bad anxiety again. I lost my job, I worked as  teaching assistant for 18 years and before that a dinner lady for 12 years,  these were jobs after I had my kidsI hardly had a day off. I did experience panic attacks but nothing that needed medicating. This anxiety when bad takes away so much of your life.I am on an antidepressant at night it helps m e sleep, but doesn’t take the edge off in the day. I think I’m stressing now because if I bring the things up what was on the report I’m going to have to face what I don’t want to face. I’m also warring because I’m on my week off and I’m still so tired and I think how do I go in for my bloods on Wednesday.? My husband took me to the seaside yesterday which is a couple of hours drive each way, I live in North London, it’s the getting in and out of London that takes the time. I just want to be at home, I don’t know if this is because of the pandemic, but I went out everyday, and when I was on my first cycle of chemo I went out everyday. So I don’t know what’s happened to me this time. Sorry Nelly B I am rambling. Every symptom I get I think it’s cancer and not symptoms from chemo. Sending hugs xx and thank you once again for your reply. Xx

  • I don’t know what happened to my reply and that is not a photo of anyone I know 

  • I can’t see any photo but if there is an issue I will contact admin for you .

    Anxiety is a horrible experience on its own . But you are being far too hard on yourself . You have endured lots this past year in the middle of a pandemic so I am very proud of you going out yesterday . Setting small goals and pushing back against all of these things is a success in my book .

    No matter how small a task you set yourself each day , take the credit for achieving it .

    Try and set another small goal today even if it’s in your home .

    Take care ,

    Court 

    Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

  • Hi Court, the photo and the writing was from the side bits I don’t know how it come across my  post, maybe I pressed something and looked like it on my iPad. Thank you for your kind words. I’m stressing about talking to anyone from the medical side be it my GP or the oncologist on Wednesday. Once again thank you. Xx

  • Hi Nelly 1955 , I replied to your last comment but it doesn’t seem to have come up . I’m having trouble replying . I’ll give it a couple of hours and if it hasn’t come up I’ll replay again ( it was rather a long replay ) XX

  • so sorry to hear this

    Kath
    "don't think about tomorrow"

  • hi Bell

    Kath
    "don't think about tomorrow"

  • so sorry to hear this Nelly 55. I can empathise - I suffer with anxiety and depression so I know how it can get you down. Lots of sound advice from above posts. You've had a lot to contend with - cancer and the pandemic - and you're still standing. That's something to be proud of. The emotional and psychological  side of things I've found more difficult than the physical side. You're not alone. This is a brilliant site which offers so much.

    Kath
    "don't think about tomorrow"

  • Hi 

    My neighbour had a life threatening illness last summer . All resolved to date but he was saying physically he has healed but emotionally he has not fully recovered . I find it perfectly understandable looking in from the outside as it was really traumatic .

    Yet he is frustrated within himself for not being further down the road. Having seen what he endured I think he has done amazingly well to be standing upright . 
    It’s definitely a time for self kindness and a lot of people have not experienced cancer care out with the pandemic. I look on and it saddens me greatly to see what people have had to negotiate without the normal support structures .

    For what it’s worth you have all endured robustly under hideous circumstances.

    much love to all ,

    Court 

    Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

  • Hi Kath, thank you, well my GP didn’t call, so maybe speak to oncologist on Wednesday when she calls. my next cycle of chemo starts Friday. I think the tiredness has made me dwell on stuff, there’s no where to run. Sorry to hear you suffer from this horrible anxiety and depression. It is one cruel thing on top of another. Take care xx