I was diagnosed with Stage 2 bowel cancer in late 2019. Successful right hemicolectomy followed by four cycles of chemotherapy. A few relatively mild complications (contracting pneumonia after surgery, very strong acid reflux and sustained neuropathy) but overall the treatment was good. Just over 12 months off of work. All post treatment scans clear and oncology team very happy with results.
My challenge is that I don't think people who have not experienced cancer really understand how long and uncertain the road to recovery is. I am, of course, delighted to be currently cancer free and that all my treatments were completed and were successful. But, I struggle with several after-effects of cancer. Some physical and others mental or emotional.
The physical effects include: a new 'normal' for bowel movements and a new cause and effect relationship between what I eat and what I pass (neither of these are good or welcome 'new'), regular twinges of abdominal pain and discomfort, persistent dry skin and dehydration and intermittent neuropathy.
The mental and emotional effects are more complex. I vividly remember my oncologist telling me the five year remission rate for my particular diagnosis was 45%. That figure haunts me. The majority of people with my diagnosis will get another cancer within five years. Every time anyone tries to compliment me on how well I have recovered the 45% figure looms large and I cannot help but think dark thoughts about what the future may, or may not, hold in store. I also struggle with the tiny daily reminders that I have had cancer - the check up reminders, the daily vitamins, the necessary diet changes, the (mostly well intended) comments from others that actually do nothing but serve to remind me that people think of the 'post cancer' me differently.
At work people are keen to reassure me that I should be easier on myself. 'You can't expect to have progressed as quickly as you wanted to - you've had cancer'. Again, well intentioned but not at all helpful for someone grappling with stress and anxiety.
I find myself caught 'betwixt and between' two extremes: on one side the desire to be super risk averse and ultra conservative. No big life or career changes. Healthy living. Reduce horizons and ambitions and conserve and protect all resources. On the other the 'I could be dead in X years' so do it now. Caution to the wind and so on.
I doubt either are very good ideas - I still have a family and responsibilities. But it makes for very confusing thoughts and an internal monologue that is as repetitive as it is exhausting.
I have never posted here before and had no real aim in mind when I started writing. I suppose I hope that this might be the forum in which I can expose some of my darker, illogical and none too helpful thoughts to people who may understand.
No expectation that anyone replies, or even reads this. It was oddly cathartic just taking the time to write this.
I will leave others with the relevant experience to reply but others have reported finding this a relevant read and I just know someone will suggest the link so I will put it up !
Also welcome to the forum !
Court
Helpline Number 0808 808 0000
court I should also add court you amaze me the time and effort you put in to responding to almost every post and such empathy, patience and understanding. The time you give up I’m sure is huge. Great job
SiHu2019
i wanted to say Hello I’m a 2019 Aug also. I had a different operation LAR but we share the same year that changed our outlook on life.
Luckily I didn’t experience anyone giving me percentages! Was he having a bad day or something Really!?
It’s so unnecessary and of course it’s going to stay with you.
I did however experience a terrible pre op. It’s a long story but it was horrible. Sadly I met her again just before my operation. I hope I don’t see her again.
Im a stage two and every twinge I get I think. Well is this it?
I hope this helps.
I think it’s a normal reaction to what you’ve been through. It’s scary and makes you think of all kinds of what ifs.
Be kind to you and yours. Those that have been there.
Im booking some time away with my hubby. We’ve really had the worst year after my diagnosis he was struck down and my poor daughter has had a terrible time and then we’ve all had the Covid restrictions.
im going to put it behind me and grab some things I liked doing before the lock down and the Cancer
I’ll still have it in the back of my mind but that’s where I want it to stay.
Right at the back.
Try and do the same and if you ever meet that oncologist again and you’re feeling strong tell him.
I’ve made up my mind if I bump into that pre op sister next time I have my pre op (yes I have to have another one) Im going to tell her how she made me feel.
Thanks for sharing.
Ann
I second that,
“Court you are amazing.”
Thank you 
️
Ann
Oh thank you Parky2170 and Artsie that’s so kind of you both but I am doing the light end of this you guys sharing from experience and sharing that with others to offer support is where the real work is carried out .
Plus I was in fact on a girls weekend away so can’t complain. Technology is fab !
Hope you are both doing well !
Take care ,
Team Bowel forum 
Helpline Number 0808 808 0000
