Trolls Who Bully Cancer Patients

My posts here and elsewhere on social media regarding my cancer surgery in December 2020, my stoma wearing and mental health issues in the wake of it, have brought about some incredibly supportive messages and a reminder that I am far from alone in going through such a struggle in life.  I am very grateful for that. Amazingly though such postings and announcements do attract the occasional troll and bully who seem to resent me breaking the taboo of mentioning being a cancer sufferer online at all. I have had to block a few people on some web forums and in one case I have reported the offender to admin too. 

One commenter wrote bluntly,

"Keep this s***i yourself we all have our own problem"   No one commented on this though he drew a few likes. The message seems to be 'suffer in silence'. It came after about twelve messages of support  and observations from others facing the ravages of cancer or caring for loved ones who are, so it is hard to see if he was replying just to me or to everyone openly relating their situations. 

I'd barely got rid of him when another commentator popped up with “Incredible you are going through all that and your first thought is to post all over Facebook  I know many veterans who are going through similarly (and worse with PTSD) and they would not dream of burdening others.”

Lots to unpick here. Yes, I openly mention my cancer on Facebook.  He doesn't follow me on Facebook though he is on there and chose to refer to me discussing my concerns with friends (many people I know personally) on one forum, on another one entirety. He's blocked from both now.   There is no doubt that many military veterans have PTSD. That some keep it to themselves is their choice and all honour, kudos and respect to them. That others have spoken out and made the world aware that PTSD is a real and present danger to those in the armed services and front lines of defense and health services and elsewhere is invaluable and a brave positive step forward.  Also, most cancer sufferers are not military 'veterans' who at least get some (often inadequate) training in preparation for the stresses and horrors they are facing in the field.  The idea that if we have anything wrong, physically and mentally, we should hide it as much as possible, with family, friends and general society only finding out what we had from  a coroner's report is not a stance I could ever agree with. 

In telling the World I have had cancer (with possibilities of it retriggering), and face some physical, emotional and mental stresses from it I am not after casual sympathy, pity or attention.  It has a direct effect on what I do, where I can go, etc. Anyone seeing me will be aware that something has changed, largely for the worst. What am I supposed to do to conceal the truth from them? Lie? Crawl away and die quietly?  Is it some macho thing to suffer stoicly and not tell anyone?  Are we seen as cowards whimpering to all who might listen for what we are going through?   

I see ads on TV where they openly advise the public to get themselves tested for the slightest warning of potential breast, pancreatic or testicular cancers where early diagnosis can make a huge difference and save lives, but I expect the trolls who react so badly to me just see that as some revolting event that puts them off their breakfast or dinner. They'd rather the world of disability and death and mental illness just went away and didn't bother them. I wonder how they go on when anyone they know and love, or they themselves are affected.  

Since my diagnosis, I have been deeply moved by extraordinary kindness and support, advice and the brave examples of others in similar circumstances to my own.  With most people, there is a general request for an update on my health, and then we go on to talk of anything and everything under the sun. I write of films seen, books read, places visited, etc. Cancer is not the only thing I can or do talk or write about. It is however there, and I am not going to pretend it's not. Talking, and writing about having, or having had cancer or caring for someone who has or has had cancer should not be a shocking taboo.  In many ways the people affected by Covid are probably facing a similar backlash. 

More startling however is the awareness of an aggressive minority who seem intent to treat cancer and cancer patients like leprosy, to be suppressed and kept out of all discussion, as if I should only discuss happy fluffy bunnies and the football. Such oppressive comments as I see above don't just fail to shut me up, they make me wish I had a Loud-Haler and a very big PA system to yell I'VE GOT CANCER!!!!  from the rooftops. I will be replicating this post on my main blog too.