Recent strongly suspected colon cancer consult - early days but can’t sleep and panic all through nights

Hi  and a warm welcome to the board from me. These early days of waiting for scan results, meetings etc. are very stressful but once you have a treatment plan in place then things will honestly feel a bit better.

I shall give you my usual advice to new members which is to stay away from google - it is out of date, misleading and downright scary in places. Stay on here and the bowel cancer uk board - you can ask anything you want and there is nothing too daft or embarrassing - you can read other posts or click on people’s names and see their profile page. 
Bowel cancer is notoriously slow growing but very treatable. It might be worth having a chat to your gp and seeing if they can prescribe you something to help you through these first few weeks. Everyone on the board will be happy to help and support you through this and the nurses on the support desk are available 7 days a week from 8-8 on 0808 808 00 00 if you need to chat.

I was diagnosed in 2016 at stage 3 and went through my treatment with another couple of ladies and we’re all still cancer free. It’s tough mentally and physically but it is doable and I’m glad you’ve found us here.

Take care

Karen x

Hi Mactastic, please please take Karen 62 advice and do not google. I was like you well I still am because I googled and now I’m finding it hard to get anxiety under control. I am on antidepressants. The waiting is awful sending hugs Nelly55 xx

Hi never ever Google it was the worse thing I did. Now gey my info on here or from my cancer team. It's a hard long journey but find I go day by day can not think to far ahead. I have I am sure drove my wife mad many times but you be surprised how  much your love ones understand your moods. I am now pass my 3rd round of chemo and found the thought of it was more frightening than actually having it. All the best to you for  your appointments 

Hi Karen,

thanks so much for your message, I can’t tell you how much it means to me. You are of course right about Google and I have made a pact with myself to stay away now.

I took a Kalm last night and after two attempts  to get settled and slip into sleep, with a kind practical chat with my partner Jason between, managed to drift off into sleep at around 11 and slept til 7.

but i think it will be an idea as you say to speak with gap for sleeping tablets or whatever will see me though this period.

as of yesterday have sore throat and wee cough, not constant on and off, so now worried I’ve COVID which will delay whole thing. Took home test yesterday all clear.

I’m so very pleased for you and your couple of lady friends to hear your wonderful cancer fee news.

thanks again

mactastic

Hi nelly55,

huge thanks for reaching out, every bit of support counts at the mo doesn’t it?

so sorry to hear you’re in the same boat anxiety wise, do you find the ad are helping at all? I hope so.

I got sleep last night after a bit of a struggle and am so grateful for that, but feel I might have to try the go route for something stronger than Kalms. 

you take care and big hugs to you too. Sending you the biggest well wishes for the journey.

mactastic

Hi Allana1due,

so kind of you to post for me, really appreciated.

yes, getting the strong message from community that Google is a huge no no and will listen from now on.

also trying as you say to go day to day, or sometimes when super struggling hour to hour or minute to minute.

having to practice mental discipline in a few ways, it’s exhausting, I bet that’s something we can all relate to right now.

I think you’re right about loved ones, I know if the tables were turned I would be there for Jason or my Mum no matter what. Just hate that they have to take this on with me. 

thanks for sharing your experience of chemo and your kind words about the fear being worse than the reality.

all the best to you too and take care

mactastic

Hi Mactastic 

I know exactly how you feel . It’s like your whole world is imploding and you can’t get out of your head . I just want to reassure you it does get better . It’s just that so much happens at once , ct scan , mri then the waiting game . I once you know the diagnosis and treatment  it gets easier . I’m a year from diagnosis and treatment and out the other side . I struggled so much at first I asked for help from doctor . I was put on antidepressants which took a while to kick in but eventually helped . Please if your struggling ask for help . You should have a number to ring so you can talk to someone. Sending a gentle hug and know you’re not alone XX

Hi NellyB,

thanks for your message it really helps to hear, to know there is a world out there of folks who get it and care.

can’t get out of your head is 100% right.

so far in the day time and especially when have managed to sleep am far more able to be a bit closer to calm and to carry out small tasks like getting lunch or folding a wash load out of the dryer. Also to read or watch tv or listen to music and not feel I can’t focus or get anything out of it

i will talk to go for sure, just got a bit of white coat phobia makes me shudder thinking of talking to anyone medical!

really pleased for you to hear where you are on the journey and take care all the best

mactastic xx

Oh Mactastic I know just what you mean about white coat syndrome.  Only have to look at a blood pressure monitor or talk to a dr my anxiety goes through the roof . I feel very out of control. I remember when i first got told it was cancer I just spent the next couple of weeks in a haze . I would sit and stare at he tv and take nothing in . I didn’t believe anyone when they told me it was going to be okay ( I’m mean how did they really know right?) I went to a very dark place . But you will find your strength , you WILL take one step at a time . Once you’re in the system you will be carried along . There is light at the end of the tunnel , you just can’t see it yet . Be kind to yourself , XX

Google can be a good place for other subjects. Whilst we may not have much control over disease processes, we do have the choice to find a degree of peace, whatever happens. I found te mental anxiety worse than the pain at times. So mindfulness and living each day is something I point too. Finding gratitude for all the good I have had is also helpful. Peace I round stuff on Google about mindfulness.