Uncaring wife

I have not experienced this, so cannot give you any advice. I'm just responding, as I found your post made me feel incredibly sad for you. I live alone, & had to go through surgery two years ago, then Chemo for 6 mths. However, I had caring support from my daughter (from afar,) yet also friends to talk to & see regularly. I wonder do you have support also...from outside sources?

There is an organization called 'The Living Tree; (I believe it's a national one.) There is a group in my town.....& all have been affected by various forms of cancer. They have regular meetings, discussion groups, walking, & many other activities. Perhaps there is something like this in your local area...that you could get support from?

I wish you the very best

Marianne

Thanks Marianne. Please don’t feel sad for me, it’s ok. I have a very close friend that I share my thoughts with, and is very understanding. I’m conscious not to widen the net too much as I don’t want to be seen as a burden.

I’ll google the organisation. Much appreciated. 

Hi 

Unfortunately I have encountered this through my work . I used to be an occupational therapist in the community and as a very young therapist found it quite shocking . 
Some people have an odd reaction to disability /illness in a spouse . People who got on well with their partners suddenly got up and left to avoid the entire situation . Others were never very caring to begin with and the additional pressure on the situation certainly did not bring out their better attributes!

Happily I have seen the other side where people stepped up and were quite incredible!

If you need to chat through this in confidence our helpline staff would be happy to do so . 0808 808 0000. They could also suggest other organisations that might be able to assist you .

It does come up here and you are definitely not alone in finding this . 

However we are here whenever you need support or to offload.

You seem sensible keeping a trusted confidant given your wife has the ability to put on an outward display!

Take care and know we are here for you !

Court 

Hi AG1327; My husband is supportive, but I don’t think he can handle it. When I’ve had treatment he just goes, you’re  ok now, and that should be an end too it. I do find that when you have treatment people think you should be yourself. Every one has an opinion, but haven’t had the misfortune to have had cancer.. I’ve got a friend in her own way try’s to be helpful, then gets a pain and goes I hope it’s not cancer! So if it’s your wife”s normal way or she can’t cope with it? I do have friends and family as well that are there for me but 1 friend I have I can fully confide in her. So maybe if you have someone other than your wife to speak too. Good luck with your treatment take care Nelly

My wife was incredibly supportive during treatment but didnt grasp at all the mental torment that goes with cancer.

I dont begrudge this in the slightest, I'm afraid cancer can only really be understood by people who have gone through it.

That said your Mrs sounds like a right old cow, 

dom

dom1969 I agree, it can only be understood by those who have gone through it. 

I'm consciously aware of all the mental.aspects of my husbands journey so far, his stays in hospitals, and surgery etc,  I worry he may have ptsd and because of covid restrictions there have been many instances where I havent been able to be there for him. 

Your wife sounds supportive of you, but if you feel your able to,  talk to her about how you feel.But also as @court suggested  the Macmillan team great! Wishing you all the very best in your treatment.

X

Hi AG1327

Sorry you have an unsupported wife. My husband is very supportive but my so called Mother is anything but. Think I’ve seen her once since I’ve been going through all this. While I was in hospital I thought maybe she would offer to help my husband with our young children, not even a casserole. She puts an act on so if anyone asks how I am she puts on a good performance when in actual fact she couldn’t care less. I was obviously upset at first but now I’ve realised if I can get through this without the love and support from her then do I even really need her? Just to say really you’re not alone in all this, everyone is here for you x

Scared_Mummy

So glad you have a supportive husband ! Sad you have had to endure that but you sound as though you have drawn a conclusion and staying with the people who show their love to you !

Take care ,

court 

This is horrible and a terrible thing to experience. Just really to say that no one deserves to feel this way and no one has the right to belittle you, cancer or not. 

If I had had to go through what I have with my ex husband he would have found a way of making it entirely about him and I'm so thankful for the necessary decision I had to make to jetison him out of my life. 

Make careful choices but get through this first. You'll always come out stronger on the other side. Much love