How to deal with that first diagnosis that its spread ?

I’m so sorry to hear this.  Please know cancer treatments are advancing all the time so Googling information, especially on mortality rates/prognosis, can be very outdated.  It’s best to ask her doctor about her specific prognosis.  Yes, this will mean “stage 4” which is very serious but there is hope.  My spouse has been fighting colon cancer that has spread to the liver, so I know about that but not lungs.  For colon and liver, they have done two surgeries as they wanted to get all the tumors out.  These had to be done 6 months apart with 3 months chemo in between and now another round of chemo.  The body has had to heal after each intervention before the next could be started.  The doctor said there is a 50% chance of a “cure” in my spouse’s case.  Best wishes with your mum... it’s hopeful that since her mum has done so well fighting cancer that your mum has some of the same strong genes.

Hi Simon80, sorry to hear your news about your Mum. Last October my healthy husband with no symptoms other than a bit of fatigue which we put down to renovating our house, had the shocking news of colon cancer, spread to liver and peritoneum, our world fell apart. He was told by the oncologist it was inoperable and incurable but treatable and he'd be given palliative chemotherapy. We were reeling, it all felt so hopeless. I joined this form and Court was the first person to reach out, her Mum's story gave us hope.

Fast forward after 3 months of chemo Folfoxiri and Avastin, his first scan showed his colon cancer was barely visible, peritoneum mets hardly visible and the liver tumours had shrunk by almost half. He's just finished the final 3 months of this regime and been moved onto a much lighter regime for maintenance. We never thought we'd be at this point, but treatments are evolving all of the time, and his care team are incredible.

We've picked up tons of support through forums, and tips on managing side effects, it's been such a blessing. 

The waiting for the treatment plan was the hardest but once you know the plan it's easier to focus.

Once your Mum has the plan, do let us know as there will be lots having similar and will be able to support you all.

Love Frances xx 

Hi 

Welcome to the forum . So glad you joined us . It really is such a good  resource to get support and see how other families are handling a difficult diagnosis. Not only in terms of managing side effects but also how to keep living in a meaningful way despite a difficult diagnosis. Finding more solid ground and developing coping mechanisms so you can be a supportive carer . 
Your mum has a wonderful example and that’s an incredible story . Your mum also sounds as though she has some inner strength and going to give it her best .

Google is a tough place to be . So quickly the information becomes dated and even since my mum was diagnosed I now have to keep up to date as so much development has occurred .

Stage 4 is a work in progress. 
Hope your doing ok to . It’s sad to see other people we love going through this . All we can ever do is be there .

Take care ,

Court 

Thanks for your encouraging messages, it gives some comfort and positive hope. I firstly was in shock and bowled over by the initial news (feeling like my whole world was crashing down) but trying to keep a level head,  though yesterday had the deepest anxiety about it all, having bad thoughts, and then wondering about my own mental health and how I can cope. A mix of emotions, thoughts and feelings as I know is natural and expect many have been though here.

However today has been alot better and also had a good chat with the support team here and nurse which for someone with not much 'Cancer' knowledge was helpful and reassuring. We only found all of this out within the last 2 weeks and the more serious news only a couple of days ago so is all very fresh and raw and has already felt like months with the waiting.

I see people say here that once an action plan is in place it gives more focus and direction so hopefully when we find that out this week it will give some structure and be helpful. I'm already very grateful for this forum and what Macmilian are doing and offering here. 

It really does give a pathway forward when the treatment plan falls into place !

You can then start planning how best to support in practical ways . Your mum will take the lead and direct you in the best way forward . We all get it wrong and right in equal measures but they make allowances for our new skill set ! 
Lots of trail and error but you really do develop a routine as a family . It becomes a bit of a safety net .

Getting informed about the chemo she will be having then planning a bit around the side effects can really help !

So glad the helpline was of use to you . The early days are just the worst. Initially it felt like a series of unfortunate events ! Then a little solid ground arrives ! 
take care ,

court