I want to help my partner with cancer depression!

Hi ECM1234

Welcome to the forum but I have to say it does sadden me to hear he is having to encounter such difficulties so young . You sound a wonderful support and that must be such a help to him .

Depression in itself is tough and if his antidepressants don’t impact you may need to go back to his GP to address that . I think like every other medication dose comes into play so I would certainly feedback to them to let them address that .

I think it’s also a bit tough to apply diversionary tactics during a pandemic when lots of things are inaccessible just now . I would imagine the lack of biopsy information is dragging him down . Could his GP or oncologist chase that up for him . Possibly a few emails in the right direction might assist to speed that up and end that particular aspect of misery. 

We did pay close attention to keeping a structured routine, planning small events , ensuring wellbeing was part of the self care package . Even although he is getting a bit irritated long term the walking aspect has big impact on his general health . Focusing on the areas that can be addressed like diet . 
Can he get out for a walk with some friends etc . Putting a bit more structure back into his day . 
Is he working just now ? Or able to return to that in the near future?

In terms of being incurable, my mum has been treated as a chronic condition. Treatable but not curable for twelve years this summer . Does his GP know about his restless legs symptoms? Has he had his blood checked ? If not I would also speak to his Gp to see if that can be looked into . I think that again in itself would hard .

The weather where I am has been awful so I can understand him finding that tough . What we did was less diversionary therapy but more “ up for a challenge “ type thing . At the end of treatment we planned a new experience. So my mum went sea kayaking for the first time after her liver resection . Something she was actually interested in . We spent a bit of time planning it . She was engaged with it as it actually interested her . She also engages with DIY projects . Only did the bits she was able to .

I certainly think with a bit more medical input might reduce some of the barriers he is experiencing just now  . He has about three different issues to contend with all big in themselves and that before you factor in the pandemic and isolation .

Can I just say you sound amazing . Your level of care and concern is beautiful but we are here to support you too . It was coming on here I learnt from other people small and larger things they were doing to pull back their lives from being totally consumed. One man was cycling, another cleaning his gutters and it struck me we needed more living in the mix too . We did completely different things but they were stepping stones to a better place . Even if the time they did not seem like it . 
His priority just now might be easing his restless legs , getting his results or improving his mental health . But even sitting down with him deciding how you are going to address each one to improve his quality of life . Giving him some element of control . Does he want you to engage with his Gp or does he prefer to do it himself  etc . Small steps this week . Bigger steps next week . 

That’s how we went about it more of getting a handle on the pressing issues , resolving what we could but also taking back small chunks of normalcy. Building on them one at a time .

Hopefully others will pop on to give their experience too .

Take care ,

Court 

Hello ECM1234, sorry to hear about your partner, He has endured so much. Coping with this illness is hard but when anxiety and depression hits. I feel for my husband, it’s hard for the partner of someone dealing with both physical and the mental strain that comes with it. You do sound amazing and caring. Sending love and hugs and I hope the results come through soon, the waiting is the worst. Take care xx