Just want to offload!

FormerMember over 4 years ago

3 replies
118 subscribers
887 views

Sometimes I just need to offload how I'm feeling as a carer - so please forgive me! Briefly, my husband (73) has incurable bowel cancer which has spread to his liver and chest area. I'm his main carer. My main problem is the daily (sometimes twice-daily) cleaning of bedding and PJs, with my trusty washing machine doing overtime! Fortunately, my son and his wife have recently moved near us and they have done a brilliant job of cleaning his bedroom, replacing the soiled mattress and helping out with daily changing and washing of various layers of bed linen soiled with diarrhea and blood. But it really can't go on like this. In spite of wearing pull-up pads, there seems to be no stopping the seepage - and he seems to have gone (as the popular phrase seems to be) 'nose-blind' and gets cross when I ask him to change his pad and PJs. His answer is always ... 'I can't help it' which makes me feel guilty about mentioning it in the first place.

I'm sorry for dumping all this on you wonderful people - just needed to put everything into words.

This site has allowed me to get all my thoughts in order. I have the phone number of our palliative care nurse, so I'll call her tomorrow. Thank you for reading ('listening'). I feel much better for getting it off my chest!

I know I'm not allowed to advertise here .... but I'd just like to say that the total enclosure waterproof mattress cover which I bought from an all about incontinence site has already proved it's worth!

court over 4 years ago

Some days are just too much , too overwhelming. I am glad you came by and let us listen and support you . It’s such a sad situation your husband finds himself in and the heavy end of that activity left with you . The pandemic has isolated people so much .

I am glad you are going to contact your palliative nurse for some support today . We also have a helpline with Macmillan nurses if you ever want to chat to them . 0808 808 0000.

We are here to listen and support you as best we can so pop on at any time .
Courtv

Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

FormerMember over 4 years ago in reply to court

It's so comforting knowing that there are people to help and 'unwind to'. Thank you. Our palliative care nurse is coming round on Friday and she'll get the district nurses on-board .... how wonderful to have someone who can draw all the care resources together (including MacMillan!). This isn't the last you've heard from me. I obviously haven't mastered the art of pointing out to my husband that he needs to change his pull-up pad. Whatever I say, however low-key I try to make it, his reply is always angry saying he can't help it. It makes me feel so guilty and useless. None-the-less, my days are still taken up with bed-changing, washing, filling radiators with bedding and PJs - it's never-ending. I've ordered so much extra bedding recently that I'm running out of space to store it! (I also seem to be turning into a hoarder of cardboard boxes ... but a trip to the dump will hopefully sort that out!!).

We all have our own trials to overcome. I have learned to call on any help available and you'll never be alone x

Francesst over 4 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi, so sorry to hear how poorly your husband is, and the difficulties you have to cope with. You sound like you're doing a great job in the most tricky of situations. It's so hard isn't it, seeing your loved ones going through awful side effects from this harsh treatment. My husband can get a bit snappy too, I feel it's his male pride, always having been the strong one in our relationship, and now feeling a bit of a burden and also really scared. I hope your nurses come through with some practical help for you too. Look after yourself, love Frances xxx