Feelings

Hi .... just wanted to say I and perhaps everyone here, knows and understand the fear and anxiety that this beast makes you feel... I used to feel guilty about these feelings... especially after my sister and my brother have both had cancer too, and my brother in law died last year... for me it was recognising that I needed help that finally helped me... Now I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s not.. I both so sick of people saying “oh you have to stay positive “... it’s. SO easy to say,  it I found it impossible to do... scared of everything little thing, every bump, every lump, everything was cancer... Anyway I started phycology sessions... the first therapist was not for me... but eventually I found the right one.  She has helped me enormously. I still have dark days and probably will do, but now I can deal with them a lot better... it’s not easy, but it will get better.  Take care x

Thank you for your reply; I’m trying to get off a low dose of diazepam and  now an antidepressant:. I am having therapy. I understand when people go on about uplifting, I’m so happy you are getting the help and it is working. Anxiety has been the worst thing. You put things better than I can. I am scared of everything and another scan coming up. I appreciate what you said so take care dd1234.

Scans are scary, but so necessary.... I try to think of them being needed to look after me... making sure I’m ok, and staying that way....and with regards to the diazepam ... if you need it then take it, don’t beat yourself up about coming off it... we all need a little help.   Meditation has really helped me (and I’m so not into that sort of thing!)... but it’s been an eye opener truly... try the “honest guys” on YouTube... xxx

Thank youd dd1234, I never taken these meds before, I find them scary. This scan it to see if the bit of cancer left will need surgery, the chemoradiation did well but didn’t get it all which they were going for, I am going to watch honest guys now, hope you’re doing well take care

Thank youd dd1234, I never taken these meds before, I find them scary. This scan it to see if the bit of cancer left will need surgery, the chemoradiation did well but didn’t get it all which they were going for, I am going to watch honest guys now, hope you’re doing well take care

Hi dd1234 I just watch one of the Honest guys meditation. It was beautiful, I will do them regularly. Thank you for telling me about them. Take care. Nelly

Sorry I did meant say I hope that your brother and sister and yourself are doing well, and sorry for the loss of your brother in law. Love and kindness to us all

Hi nelly I went into depression when I was told ppl do say you will be fine. How do they know their not the ones with cancer I told my nurse I want counselling because I can’t cope with it even after my op it’s still in my head all the worry x good luck hope you keep well 

HelloJaimee 1 thank you for replying , it is all the waiting, stuck in with this rotten virus. I find it scary I can’t help it, I’ve been told it curative and not spread. Cancer is a frightening diognoised, and I admire so many who cope. I haven’t. My scans said a lot of it has gone just a minor bit so I’m having a mri on Wednesday to see if I need surgery. I haven’t got the virus it’s just not being able to go out and forget about things. I have a therapist but because a friend of a friend he does not charge me much. I really appreciate you replying and saying it like it is. Take care Nelly xx, 

Hi Nelly1955 All I will say is time does help. I was very frightened at first and this is very normal, your whole life has changed in a major way, all of the plans you have in life and your expectations are smashed and suddenly you feel vulnerable and scared of dying prematurely. I don't think any of us are prepared for what it does to you. My lovely husband said to me that you can't live on adrenalin permanently. As time passes anxiety becomes the new normal and your mind set changes. The anxiety never goes away entirely but you become focused on the next challenge, having a treatment plan will help, trying to look at the short term, the next test/op/treatment/scan taking it a day at a time. After a while you realise what you can change and what you can't. So much is in the hands of fate or the Gods so do what you can (eat well, keep yourself fit for surgery) and realise that worry will not change the outcome at all. I am a work in progress, I have good and bad days but all we can do is enjoy the little things and have no regrets. Suddenly birds singing or sitting in the sun or laughing/cracking a joke becomes very special. My husband and I joke and talk about the difficult stuff and it takes away some of the fear.

You will/are coping because you have to and life doesn't stop. Don't be too hard on yourself, be kind to yourself and if medication helps then use them. It is a learning process and you will find the best way of coping for you.

Nicky