Fresh news

Hi Mafael

First of all may I welcome you to our forum.  I am so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis.

You have joined at a time when we have just had a change of website and we are experiencing a few hiccups  but hopefully they will be sorted very soon. 

The days after a diagnosis are so hard, but once you have a treatment plan in place it somehow seems easier to cope with.

In 2011  I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer and you will find that there are many on here who have been diagnosed at stage four.  I know "Court " will be in touch with you soon - as she has cared for many years for her mother with stage 4.

Macmillan have a support and help line - the number is 0808 808 00 00 and it s available from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm 7 days a week.  You can ask to speak to someone for emotional support or help and information on any aspect of cancer - and there is always a friendly voice at the end of the line.

Macmillan have a number of books and leaflets,  one of which is "Talking to Children and Teenagers when an adult has cancer",  They also have a list of books suitable for very young children, and if you ring them they will be able to send you information and give you links to organisations that offer help to families with young children.

You don't say how old your children are, but if they are at school, speak to the school as they should be able to refer your children to the school counselling service.  It is holidays at the moment, but often schools have a skeleton staff working during the school holidays so they may be able to give you contact details.  Also speak to your GP or Health Visitor as they may also be able to refer you to support in your area.

I assume that your wife is relatively young, and this is a really positive thing for her going through treatment.  

The best advice I can offer you is to take as much help as is offered to you, although covid is making things that much more difficult, but accept help from family and friends with bringing  you a home cooked meal or doing the washing and ironing, and most important is to look after yourself too.  You need to be strong to look after your wife and family.

There is also a Carer's Forum on here and you may find it useful to look at that and if you feel that might be of help too join that group.

Take care,

VickiLynne

Hi

I'm sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. 

We are in a similar position to you but a few weeks on, so I completely understand the shock and devastation you are feeling. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 and we have two little ones.

As VickiLynne says, once you start your treatment plan things do seem a little easier as you have a focus. There are also many positive stories of people managing for a long time with this as a chronic condition and there are many treatment options to try. 

Certainly take as much help and support as you can, and as hard as it is, just focus on each day. You will find ways to cope, we felt horrendous in the first few weeks and now although still scared and anxious we are having more moments of "normality". The kids will help you to stay in the moment!

Wishing you all the best

Liz 

Thank you VickiLynne. I’ll certainly look into those suggestions. 

amazing to hear it was so long ago. I petrified of the length of time and can’t bear the thought of how life will change. 

Thank you Liz. Sorry for your news and all the best with your treatment. I’d be very interested in hearing progress given we’re on similar journeys. Only if you’re comfortable sharing obviously. 

my children are all under 6. (Sorry to be vague but I’m still a little sceptical of revealing so much on a public forum). How this will effect them and what the true love of my life is going through are the two biggest things I’m struggling to deal with at the moment. I can’t bare thinking of either. 

Hi 

Welcome to the forum from me too! I completely understand you being concerned about the public forum aspect . There is also a Private Message service where you send a friends request to the person and can chat privately as well as publicly. That might be of interest to you and few people do use this aspect .

I am so sorry to hear about your wife and what a shock for you all . Send her my love and support as she works her way through the initial difficult days . I think In a stage 4 setting it feels like the negative news keeps coming but as Liz said once treatment starts it does feel as though it’s being tackled .

If you click on my user name you can read my mum’s story . When we first head the news we were terrified. She had a significant spread to her liver . Since then she also had  a lung met . She has had 73% of her liver removed , part of her bowel and a lung resected. Chemo did a powerful job at reigning in the spread and that opened up other options . 11 years into the process and she still has a good quality of life . Since her initial diagnosis lots more treatment approaches have opened up and I find myself struggling to keep up . That’s good news for anyone faced with a current diagnosis as there are many more treatment options .

The oncologist teams work hard to find the right balance in giving treatment and help with all the side effects . I wish her every success with her treatment and I could not have imagined at the start that I would be sitting here 11 years later and my mum having come through her treatment .

Take care and please feel free to ask any questions .

Court 

Hi 

Welcome to the forum from me too! I completely understand you being concerned about the public forum aspect . There is also a Private Message service where you send a friends request to the person and can chat privately as well as publicly. That might be of interest to you and few people do use this aspect .

I am so sorry to hear about your wife and what a shock for you all . Send her my love and support as she works her way through the initial difficult days . I think In a stage 4 setting it feels like the negative news keeps coming but as Liz said once treatment starts it does feel as though it’s being tackled .

If you click on my user name you can read my mum’s story . When we first heard the news we were terrified. She had a significant spread to her liver . Since then she also had  a lung met . She has had 73% of her liver removed , part of her bowel and a lung resected. Chemo did a powerful job at reigning in the spread and that opened up other options . 11 years into the process and she still has a good quality of life . Since her initial diagnosis lots more treatment approaches have opened up and I find myself struggling to keep up . That’s good news for anyone faced with a current diagnosis as there are many more treatment options .

The oncologist teams work hard to find the right balance in giving treatment and help with all the side effects . I wish her every success with her treatment and I could not have imagined at the start that I would be sitting here 11 years later and my mum having come through her treatment .

Take care and please feel free to ask any questions .

Court 

Thank you court. It’s good to hear stories to give us hope

I know I feel exactly the same it is so heartbreaking. When I think like that though I keep trying to remember that no one knows where this journey will take us, or any other aspect of life, we worry about the impact on our children etc but it may not all be negative. I really believe we will have happy times on this journey as well. Children are often more resilient than we think.

You are still in the shock phase where you have gone from OK to your whole world being turned upside down. These feelings will not last forever.

More than happy to share experiences and please keep me updated with how you are getting on 

Hi Liz,

Thank you for your offer. I can't seem to private message you yet but assume we have to be connected. In the meantime, since you have been through this very recently I did have a few questions.

Sorry to ask but it's been 7 days and we've had zero communications from the hospital so far since finding out so naturally we're totally lost. Every keeps saying it gets better once a treatment plan is agreed but I want to start planning things like taking time off work (long term) and arranging help and other practicalities.

After the initial diagnosis I'm assuming they complete a biopsy of some kind. How soon after this did you guys find out more about the scale of the problem and (assuming a you're this far along) how soon after that did a treatment plan start?

Again thank you so much for your help and words above. Every day I'm so up and down and I don't know where to target my energy so I can be most useful for my partner.

I just tried to send you a direct message (still getting used to the site so not sure if it has worked)