Partner starting Chemo

Hi

A big welcome to the forum and very glad you could join us . You are most welcome to post here and hope we can be of some support to you in such unsettled times .

Macmillan has some information on how to explain cancer to children if that would interest you . If you go Into menu at the top of the page , then information , a search function will lead you to information for children available on ebooks and you could look into the best way to deliver that information. If you would prefer to chat our helpline staff can talk it through with you in person or point you to resources . 0808 808 0000.

You have a lot of roles to take on just now and totally understand why you would need support . When I turned 40 it was my mum who had a stage 4 diagnosis. My kids were the same age as yours roughly and my dad had a stroke two weeks before . So I brought them to live with me whilst chemo was undertaken . I was worried about the impact it would have on my kids and how to ease that for them . Until we knew what chemo could achieve we talked in terms of cells within her body that were multiplying too quickly and the doctors needed to give her medicine to slow that down . The trouble was for some people the medicine can cause problems but we would work on finding solutions to the problems with the hospital . I was honest about the location of the cells in her bowel and liver and how they could stop them working properly . I told them it was cancer after the first set of scans and we knew what the next stage was . Part of that was I was frightened they would access information from the internet. Not saying it’s right for others though .

My mum had first line chemo so her hair never fell out so we did not need to address that aspect . I would say most of the time she was resting or sleeping they understood it was to do with the medication . The night she came home from chemo was the worst for her but she went straight to her room and I had them suitably busy .

The situation is very different just now with corona but in terms of chemo a strange new routine quickly developed. It had its moments but it was not as bad as I feared . It took a couple of cycles but we got there . 

The corona virus is a stress in itself. There is a lot of guidance at the top of the page on self isolation within the house . The big pink band . Also www.Gov.uk has some guidance . Can you work from home ? www. Acas .gov.uk has information too and our helpline staff can assist with preparations .

We can help with any chemo questions from carer or experiences. Just ask away .

We are here to support you too . I found it helpful when I felt overwhelmed to try and keep my head where my body was and not weeks or months down an imagined road which frequently had a negative outcome . A toe by toe journey .

Chemotherapy did a great job and opened up other options . My mum is here over ten years later in isolation just now . If you click on my name you can read her story .

Ask away . We are here for you ,

Court 

Cancer Research Uk also has information for patients about to start chemo and how best to protect yourself during Corona .

Court 

Thanks for the reply. Really appreciated xx

First of all, I love your chosen name!! Born to shop.....

But seriously, your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position.

In your 41 years you have climbed mountains and surprised yourself at what you managed to achieve, Sure this mountain is higher, but taken step by step, you will find inner strength that you didnt know you had.  But mountain climbers often have a back up  team. and maybe you can view special friends and family as your back up team? Physical contact will be difficult of course with covid, but you need emotional support via phone and social media. dont be shy about sharing your pain-people like to help. You dont have to do this journey alone even thought yours is the primary role.

Your partners chemo  may not be as bad as you fear, and he may cope with it much better than you are expecting. Hopefully his strength is rebuilding now after the op, and they will ensure he is strong enough to cope before chemo is started.

KIds of 8&10 can be a handful especially when confined like this for a long spell, But you may find their misbehaving diminishes once you feel able to explain at least some of what is happening- they may even be little helpers around the house! Allow them to make their contribution is my advice.

Maybe once the kids are in Bed you can choose Movies to watch with your partner that remind you of happy times. Or are just upbeat, Like Abba! you will have your own favourites, maybe filmed in places you have visited together. Try not to let cancer consume you to the exclusion of all else.I just felt taken over and over whelmed at times. My partner is very caring and wanted to do everything but also sensed that sometimes I just wanted quiet time.

Do make good use of this board - I had so many questions at the outset, and ther are some very wise experienced posters.

Good luck to you and your family at this very difficult time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

First of all, I love your chosen name!! Born to shop.....

But seriously, your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position.

In your 41 years you have climbed mountains and surprised yourself at what you managed to achieve, Sure this mountain is higher, but taken step by step, you will find inner strength that you didnt know you had.  But mountain climbers often have a back up  team. and maybe you can view special friends and family as your back up team? Physical contact will be difficult of course with covid, but you need emotional support via phone and social media. dont be shy about sharing your pain-people like to help. You dont have to do this journey alone even thought yours is the primary role.

Your partners chemo  may not be as bad as you fear, and he may cope with it much better than you are expecting. Hopefully his strength is rebuilding now after the op, and they will ensure he is strong enough to cope before chemo is started.

KIds of 8&10 can be a handful especially when confined like this for a long spell, But you may find their misbehaving diminishes once you feel able to explain at least some of what is happening- they may even be little helpers around the house! Allow them to make their contribution is my advice.

Maybe once the kids are in Bed you can choose Movies to watch with your partner that remind you of happy times. Or are just upbeat, Like Abba! you will have your own favourites, maybe filmed in places you have visited together. Try not to let cancer consume you to the exclusion of all else.I just felt taken over and over whelmed at times. My partner is very caring and wanted to do everything but also sensed that sometimes I just wanted quiet time.

Do make good use of this board - I had so many questions at the outset, and ther are some very wise experienced posters.

Good luck to you and your family at this very difficult time. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Hi,

My 54 year old husband has stage 4 bowel cancer and after an operation to remove the large tumours in his bowel he embarked on a course of chemo. In fact he has just left for the last session today. Just to say that in terms of the chemo itself, it has been much easier than I was expecting. He hasn’t lost his hair and has had only mild side effects so that he has been able to work and tend to our allotment. His white blood count has remained good, so we were told that his immune system was not compromised. Obviously, everyone reacts differently, but I wanted to give you some hope that things will probably not be awful. 
It is a very difficult time for this to be happening to you. We had the diagnosis the week before Christmas, so had some time to adapt to the news before this awful virus struck. 
I wish you all the best.

Julie

So sorry to hear your story.

I had stage 4 bowel cancer 4 years ago, so the usual story of chemo for 6 months and then a couple of ops. I have a stoma which gives some added complications when travelling, but manageable.

As far as chemo is concerned I didn't find this onerous. No side effects.

 I live by myself, my children live away and I largely managed my situation by myself. Still continued to shop and after a while restarted my travelling to far flung places.

So I wouldn't be concerned about chemo by itself. It gives an opportunity for his cancer to be managed and for his life to be prolonged. Try and keep as much as your current life in place.

Is your partner's condition so severe that he will need to be looked after all the time?

Maybe I have been fortunate with my experience. I wish you and your family the best fortune. 

Mansel xx