Treatment

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Hi all

Hope this all finds you well. Not sure why I'm posting, I guess I just need a vent or something.

My mood lately has been horrific. Throughout diagnosis, tests, scans, operation, recovery etc I've remained so positive. However, this past few weeks my mood has dipped and I'm struggling to recognise who I am.

I saw the oncologist 3 weeks ago, who confirmed that chemo would start within 10days of that appointment. It's now 20 days since, and I haven't started (though have been given my start date). I was told PICC line would be fitted prior - appointment was made but then cancelled ONE HOUR before I was due to attend. I feel so frustrated and so bloody angry. I was told I had an aggressive cancer, and therefore needed aggressive treatment to start ASAP. So why is there just no urgency in this at all?! I feel completely let down, I know I'm not important, I know I'm nothing to them. It's really affecting me though. Am I just being super-sensitive? Or do I have every right to feel like this?

I'm just an angry, horrible and short-tempered person at the moment and it's no good. I think perhaps part of me feeling like this is impending chemo and fear of the unknown :(

court over 5 years ago

Hi Jen988

Very easy to think of yourself as just a number in the system, that let’s face it deals with numbers and give local airports a run for their money and stretched at this time of year . I suspect we have all faced the stark reality that the image we have in our heads for cancer patients is far removed from the reality . I do remember feeling startled at the beginning and felt like getting my mum’s coat on and taking her up to give her it myself . Felt the same pressing need to get going to help her liver mets . However her oncologist reassured me that their is no such thing as urgent chemo . If you respond well it will work and to go and have a holiday if she wanted !! I so was not expecting that .

All I can assure you is once she started I did really think they treated her as though she was their number one priority . The nurses were just lovely with her and showed her dignity and respect . Great care from there on in .

I think you are most definitely entitled to your feelings . It’s a difficult situation that you want to tackle . Even as a carer I felt as though emotions were amplified in every direction in a way I have never experienced before or since . Waves of frustration and helplessness. Caught in a system . So I can only image what it must be like as a patient waiting for this whole thing to fall into place . Your only human and oh that we could change it all . To be honest if there was one area in the NHS I wish was more streamlined it would be oncology .

I have a lasting memory of preparing diner and caught in utter grief that her liver was inoperable . I dissected a piece of chicken within an inch of its life and thought “what is so difficult about that then “. She nearly got dragged off to theatre that time . Thankfully chemo did a fantastic job and a lovely surgeon did the needful in the fullness of time .

Glad you got it out here . That’s what we are here for . To lift each other through these horrible days when time moves as slowly as the system .

take care ,

Court

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