Hi all
After finishing 5 weeks of chemoradiation in June I am now booked in next Thursday for surgery . Unfortunately the chemoradiation didn't shrink the tumor but the surgeon has said some parts appear softer so he has said he will do the surgery but might have to go in further to get it out eek !! Also a possible temporary stoma followed by chemo maybe .
The whole procedure feels really daunting and I feel quite scared that I am going into the hospital feeling quite fit and then I won't be after and what it will feel like I'm quite squeamish I know a lot of people have been through a lot worse . I try to keep positive not always possible though all the time. Everyone keeps telling you to keep positive I know they mean well but....
I'm trying to do some meditation does any one have any you tube links to some good ones?
Also has anybody gone back to doing quite a physical job as my job is quite demanding and physical and am also worried about this especially if i have the stoma, I know I shouldn't keep worrying about every tiny thing but can't help it. My head is in complete overdrive
Thanks for listening neededto get things off my chest would be grateful for any tips
Lots of love
Peacock62
Hello Peacock62!
great timing of your message as I just got home today after having my reversal on Monday!
so first of all - feeling anxious about surgery is COMPLETELY NATURAL. I think it would be odd not to be nervous ;)
i had my LAR and Lymphadenectomy just over 8 weeks ago (not sure how I’ve gone all “bold”?!) apologies for that 
obviously it will take a bit of time to recover after the op (I’d say 4-6 weeks and you’ll be feeling pretty normal again) just take it day by day and remind yourself why you’re having the op - to get rid of the alien! When I started to freak out I’d ask myself - do you want it to stay inside?! Hell no! Take it out!! ;)
the surgeons are experts and you will be just fine.
so meditation - I love it - I have loads I can share with you but in particular I found one which specifically speaks about preparation for surgery - I think I listened to it non stop the few days before my op:
this next link isn’t meditation - but some affirmations for positivity - listen to them and repeat them whenever you can, after a while, they start to sink in ;) https://youtu.be/ZssjZnsN4Gg
this is just a taster - once you open them up in YouTube you’ll see just how many there are! Have a browse and see what works for you. Use headphones and make sure you are in a comfortable place :)
you’ll be absolutely fine, let us know how you get on.
big hugs!
s xxx
Hi Strongsami
Wow you've already had your reversal you sound like your doing really well which gives me hope .That's a very good idea to keep reminding myself why I'm having the op as I know I have to get rid of this beast.
Thank you for sending the you tube links I've listened to the pre surgery one I'm going to keep listening to it so I memorize it for the big day! I will listen to the other one layer
Did you or anyone else have to give themselves injections for a week after as I have been told I have to
this is freaking me out a bit might have to get hubby to learn how to do them
On the positive side my surgeon is really nice and I do trust him completely.
Have you got to have more chemo my surgeon has said I may need it after?
Somebody sent me these lyrics from Tom Petty I won't back down . Not sure if I've attached them
Sending you lots of hugs for your recovery let me know how you get on 
xxx
Hello Peacock62!
i love That Tom Petty song - keep singing it at the top of your voice!
It’s funny how the brain works - so those first couple of weeks after my op - when all I wanted was to feel 100% - felt like they passed really slowly... but now that I’m almost 9 weeks post op and 1 week post reversal looking back - time seems to have flown by! It’s all about perception...
I’m in Italy and they do things a bit different - or at least my hospital do, I’m due to have a PICC line fitted on Thursday then start mop up chemo on Friday. I think In the UK they do reversals once you’ve finished mop up.
at first I was gutted about mop up - this journey has lasted almost a year for me (diagnosed in November, scans in December, chemo jan -April, radio & chemo May - June, LAR August, reversal October.. after the LAR I had such a feeling of euphoria - like I’d reached the target - as the alien was in the bin - so having to get my head around mop up chemo (2/18 lymph nodes +ve) has also been a bi
of a task but... I just keep telling myself - it’s better to have it than not have it - this is the final step - I did it before so I can do it now, give the body the chance to have some final “aliepurification” and then - massive celebrations in January
all through this journey - lots of people have advised to break every step into chunks - I have done this literally - written down every step, every date, crossed it off as I’ve gone on, crossing things off in itself feels good. And only focus on the next step, just deal with one part at a time.
you’re going to be just fine - this time next week you’ll be posting on here telling us how well you’re doing and your beast will be IN THE BIN!
if you need a stoma don’t worry - it all seems a bit overwhelming at first but they will show you what to do in hospital and the stoma nurse is always available for any questions - as you know there’s another excellent group on here dedicated to Ileostomy and colostomy advice with lots of ppl who can help.
as for the injections (laughing quietly to myself!) you are speaking of heparin - it’s normal after most operations to do them. I had to do them for 3 weeks after mine, now for 15 days after reversa
Most people are able to do them themselves - not me as I’m a big wuss so my husband does them although he is a bit of a wuss as well I’m contemplating doing it myself this time around we’ll see. You usually do it in the arm leg or belly - for us maybe not the belly as this is where the op has been.
im going to look for you tube vids of people doing their heparin shots. My cousin had his hip replaced recently and he made me laugh saying he felt like a “junkie stabbing them into my belly”
you might want to do them yourself or get hubby to help out - see how you feel. But don’t worry about this til you come home.
Enjoy your meditations and keep us posted
sending big hugs
xxx
Yes Strongsami I'll be singing the song load and clear when I begin taking the potion for the clear out 
the day before the op!!!
The surgeon here told me if I have a stoma and if I need chemo he won't do the reversal till after I've finished chemo it's interesting how things are done slightly different here but we both seem to have the same standard of care
Yes it was heparin the nurse mentioned I too am a bit of a wimp , my hubby I'm sure will be able to do it as nothing like that fazes him, he'd come into the operating theatre if he could LOL
The brain is strange it's a very up one minute the down the next. I try to break it all up like everyone says but sometimes my mind can't help thinking about whole thing and the amount of time I'm going to have to take off work, but I'm now going to have to go with the flow as I know there's nothing I can do to change things
The meditations are great♀️
Lots of love
Peacock62 xxx
Haha you belt it out @peacock62! Of course - the Bowel prep - what joy
by the time the day comes you will be ready I promise you.
that’s great your hubby is up for all of that - I just did my heparin now - hubby did it ;) the biggest issue is remembering to do the darned thing!!!
I know - you’re so right, our brains sometimes like to break off and run free in their thoughts then we need to reign them back in and remind them what it’s all about. I know what you mean though, it’s not easy.
im so glad you like the meditations :) they really do help, I promise you on the day you’ll be fine.
I just remembered something else - a famous American surgeon also suggests repeating the following: “I’m looking forward to waking up comfortable, rested and happy to eat and drink”
big hugs
xxx
