Just diagnosed - feelings?

Hi Jen988

Welcome to the forum . Sorry to hear about your diagnosis but glad you joined us .

It is a very strange thing but that’s exactly what happened to my mum . She described it as feeling very peaceful . We were all falling apart and I can only say it was as if she was sailing through it . It did not stop either . That stayed during all treatments including the nights before surgery . She was hit badly with side effects etc which she endured . But ten years later I can truly say it never altered . 

At first I thought it was denial as she was picked up on a Bowel screen and had no symptoms. The spread to her liver had honestly never even crossed my mind . I thought the speed of change was a factor . However you can not possibly deny all she endured but her mood never changed . 

I would say she was more naturally upbeat but not over that type of diagnosis. I know what she would be saying if it was someone else .

We decided to let her journey on with her approach and not to try and “ reality check” it . Even if it was denial we decided it had more health benefits to it . 

I gave up trying to work it out as she also heads into scans with the same approach and is more interested in finding a coffee shop when she comes out . On the other hand she was the only one in the family who approached it like that . My dad had a stroke two weeks before and it all went over his head . My sister and I were holding on tight !! 

She has had a lot of treatment , surgery and scans but she is doing well .

She would also not allow any negative people around her initially. She had no desire to hear them .

Hope it stays for you . You just never know .

We are here for all the other information as well and I hope we can be of some assistance to you .

take care ,

Court 

Hi Jen988. Yes that’s exactly how I felt. I think part of it was disbelief and also I felt well apart from dodgy bowels and some bleeding. We immediately went and told my parents and I asked them to tell the rest of the family and then I sat on the patio with a glass of wine while my husband rang his family - I could hear him saying ‘yes she’s seems ok at the moment’ looking at me out of the corner of his eye as I topped my glass up! It does start to become a bit more real as treatment starts but I tried to just carry on as normal and work when I could, visit family, meet friends for coffee etc. have the treatment and get on with my life -ok it’s maybe not been quite as easy as that but that was my plan.

Everyone deals with their diagnosis differently and you may have a meltdown later but cross that bridge if and when you get to it. I found the hardest part was when treatment had finished and felt like my comfort blanket had been taken away. It’s a good idea to break your treatment into stages and focus on each bit at a time then tick it off and move onto the next.

Please do not google - the information is out of date and downright scary in places - you can ask anything you want on here, there is nothing too daft or embarrassing and we’ll be happy to support you through this.

Take care

Karen x

Thanks so much for your reply Karen. It's definitely reassuring that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Staying firmly away from Google - my mum has already done that and scared herself senseless.

I'm going to continue being as positive as I can be. I've signed up to do Sober October, so will need a bit of that positivity to get me through the 31 days without a drink! Lol.

Thanks again for your response. Take care x

Hi,

My 71 year old mum is in the same position....large sigmoid tumour spread to liver....found at start of August. She is waiting for bowel surgery on the 14th October and then chemo. Had/ has very few symptoms.....still in shock!!! She has positive days....and very dark days too where her mind drags her into the dark side. Strangely though she is coping much better than I expected....and she has a pretty strong faith too which helps. The most shocking thing is the lack of mental support she's getting as there appears to be a waiting list.....without good friends and our vicar, I'm not sure she would be holding up as well. I think you will be on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, so be gentle to yourself and stay focused on the positive!.

Hi Jen988 well you could have been describing me in your write up! I see you have other replies saying the same so you are not alone. I'm quite a strong person and don't often do tears...stiff upper lip and all that! I think I have such faith in doctors that when I'm told any bad news my attitude is OK so how are you going to fix it? I'm sure I'll come unstuck one day but in the mean time it serves me well. I think in the 6 years since diagnosis I have only had 2 cries and one mini meltdown! (Cancer related) Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and say things like "You have cancer....why aren't you upset or angry?" The answer is usually a shrug of the shoulders and a "Get on with it!" As Kareno62 said it helps to break treatments up into stages and get back to normal in between each stage. I wish you well in your treatment and please keep us posted.