New here, looking for support & advice

Hi and a warm welcome from me although sorry you’ve had to join us.

Friends, banter and positivity are a good start. I think everyone probably deals with things differently and although the nurses praised me on my positive approach I think, deep down, some of it was a bit of disbelief so I just adopted the ‘right, let’s crack on and get this treatment done’ approach. So my top tips would be

Do not google! - the information is out of date and downright scary - stay on here and the Bowel Cancer UK board

Do not look at survival stats - they are always at least 5 years out of date and you are a person not a statistic. Bowel Cancer is very treatable nowadays as many on this board are proving.

Break your treatment into stages - focus on the radiochemo to start with and think about the rest as and when (or if) you get to them

Ask anything you want on here - there is nothing too daft or embarrassing

Treat yourself - it’s gonna be a tough 12-18 months so lean on friends, family ( and us of course) ask for help if you need it and go out for coffee and cake whether you need it or not!

Take care

Karen x

ps I know it’s early but I’ve got my glasses on and I’ve still read ‘ocd’ as cod twice!?!

Hi Valena and welcome

Trevor does sound like a git, my temporary stoma was called Sooty but luckily he is no more! My top tip would be tea and cake, it makes you feel better on even the worst days.

I was stage 3 as well and I am nearly 2 years clear of it. A serious top tip would be to use your friend (or other family member) to vent to. It is impossible to present a brave face all of the time and we all need to throw an occasional wobble, wail and sob that we are scared of dying and why me..... Then after a good cry you can go back to being brave. Your friend doesn't even have to do anything other than acknowledge that your fears are real and not jolly you out of it. My husband was brilliant at this, he just let me cry it out and that allowed me to cope the rest of the time. Nothing worse than family/friends telling you that "You will be fine just be positive" all of the time. The reality is that they are often the ones struggling to deal with it and feeling uncomfortable.

A second thought, be honest with your daughter (within reason). My children are older so I will let others discuss it if you want to, but they are quick to pick up on changes and if you are feeling rough further down the line or moody or going for surgery they will ask you what is happening. Dealing with problems together as a family rather than hiding things is a good thing in my opinion. There may be days ahead when you need their cooperation.

Good luck, it is a hell of a journey but you will get there

Nicky

Thanks Nicky and Kareno62 for the welcome rest assured I won't be shy about asking daft questions when I need to!

I sometimes think, "am I in denial?" or have I got myself into a "let's crack on" mindset but I'm not sure either is true. I did have a cry when they first suggested that it was likely to be cancer, out of shock I guess, but since then I've not really needed to. But I do have the support there for if/when I do, and knowing that helps immensely.

I have been completely upfront with my daughter, she's a smart kid and even though it upset her initially, hearing that there was a plan to treat everything has made her feel much better about things. I know she's still worried, which is natural, but for the moment she's happy and enjoying her summer holidays!

I noticed both of you suggested treating myself as a top tip, and honestly it was something I never even thought about! So that is definitely something I will be doing, even if it's just cake!

Thanks again!