Confusing feelings of loved ones

JoyLou 21 hours ago

2 replies
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My relative has stage 4c BRAF mutation colon cancer with omentum mets. Initial chemo worked well even showed reduction and then within weeks it had started growing again. She had started chemo again but they said it wasn’t working so switched to encorafenib and cetuximab and she’s been on it 6 days. She says her fatigue and stomach pain are too much to deal with and Called the chemo line today who sent her to A&E. Theres also been a heat wave which I don’t think has helped the fatigue which is the main concern of hers. She had an appt with a specialist site a few weeks ago and the surgeon just kept on saying how aggressive her cancer was and I honestly think after that she’s given up. I know she’s going to stop this treatment. They told her recently that she would have 3-6 months to live without treatment. So I guess we have reached end of the line. I know I am out of order, I know I am unreasonable and selfish but it’s all just a lot. We are just about to move close to her so I’m essentially exposing my children to a lot of trauma. I guess that’s just awful timing.

court 20 hours ago

Hi JoyLou

Sending you loads of love. They are so special in our lives that we want to hold on for as long as we can . Your feelings are totally normal and I think I had ever emotion in the book going through my head .

The heat absolutely is not helping and give things a day or two to settle . They can help by adjusting doses to make things more tolerable. Your mum needs to know all the options to make an informed decision. My mum had her dose reduced and it changed things a lot .
I will send you a pm later .

i need to head out but when she is in the middle of a bad patch it might be better to get to a better place so she has a clear mind to decide the best way for her to go .

i worried about my children too but good communication and support , space to speak was enough to get them through .

take care ,

Court

Helpline Number 0808 808 0000

Susan13 15 hours ago

She's in a bad place right now. It can be tough to keep on when feeling so low. While depression is a natural part of grief, it is the toughest to deal with.

I echo Court's advice in getting her to clear her head before making any decisions. 6 days is not long enough to know anything about the treatment. Things that may seem like side effects may, in fact, be due to other factors like the heat. Even she is having side effects, oftentimes our bodies can learn to tolerate them and they lessen.

Do not worry about "exposing your children to trauma". If your relative were to die far away, it would be confusing and traumatic for them anyway. With being close, they will see the illness and be able to process her death, if that comes, in stages. Death is a natural part of life. With your love and careful explanation at the level of their understanding, you teach them how to process trauma far better than if they don't have this experience. Children are amazingly resilient and they are little sponges. Provide support and they will learn valuable lessons that will help them navigate life when they are older.