Sister's reaction

Hey there.  Yep my sister didn’t come to see me at all after diagnosis before or after the operation either.  I also had a “friend” who constantly contacted me to see how I was doing and we even arranged for her to pop over but she never showed.  When I told her that my operation was successful she stopped calling.  

People are strange and I’m certain both my sister and this friend would have been so upset if anything happened to me but I’m using my energy now on people who are there for me on the good times and the bad.  

Don’t take it personally it’s not about you it probably how she deals with things.  I hope you have other people who will rally around you now when you really need it. ️

Thanks Scoutabout, just starting to feel low about the cancer now and this taps into that depression. I do have some amazing friends in my life who are helping me. 

I'm sorry you had that experience with your sister and "friend".

I totally understand.  Just don’t dwell in it.  I’ve made a mental note to give the “friend” none of my time.  

My sister has always been the same.  I kind of know not to expect anything and I don’t get stressed.  

You’re going through a lot and depression for me was there.  Reach out to Macmillan if you find yourself sliding down that slippery slope.  They are amazing and are ready to listen.  

I don’t know your situation but do just one thing that makes you feel good.  Whatever it is I hope it makes you smile today.  ️ xxx

I had a "friend" who told me it was a shame about my diagnosis but "her empathy pot was empty" so she wouldnt be keeping in touch.I decided that I didnt need that sort of "friend" so  although it upset me at the time especially when I was there for her during her hip operations,I decided to concentrate on real friends.

Kath

Wow.  That’s shocking.  I bet her friend pot will be empty very soon with that attitude.   

I had a friend who used to keep in touch and phone and she called me just after my chemo radiation had finished. She asked if I was cured yet but I said I’d only just finished treatment. She said she couldn’t handle my situation and ended the call without saying anything else -a mobile call equivalent of slamming the phone down! 

I was disappointed as I’d tried hard to support her with different issues-even inviting her to come and live with us temporarily if she wanted to move here to make a new start.

I never heard from her again-not even a message, and I’m ok with that now. I didn’t want to be dealing with her feelings when I was the one who was ill and had enough to cope with.

I’m sorry for everyone who has experienced this kind of reaction/treatment from others, be they friends or family. 

Sarah xx

1. My sister told me she didn’t have the energy to keep checking in on me. I’m putting it in the pile of ok I know where I stand and focussing on the people round me that make me happy. Sad but we don’t need to focus on negativity. We need to focus on what makes us happy right now xx

My sister said 'Let me know if you want me' when my husband was diagnosed and then she threw a paddy because she wasnt the centre of attention. She continued that paddy and plays the 'poor me' card 6 months down the line. Engaged in the game so well that my Dad took it upon himself to spit venom and hate my way too just before Xmas. 

Its not my diagnosis, Its my husbands, but because I couldnt 'baby' my sister and because i didnt 'need' my Dad to save the day, they abandoned us. One sentence read 'you received bad news and youve behaved appallingly since'... Our bad news is Stage IV Bowel Cancer... so not bad, awful! because hes inoperable with a pebble dashed liver, an aggressive mutation and an enzyme deficiency. My appalling behaviour - focussing on my husband and family. Prioritising their needs and not falling apart and letting my Dad come in and micromanage everything. 

I lost a friend too. She was 'sorry about our sad news but....' and only wanted to talk about her wedding.

My tolerance level is low. They have all been excommunicated and the ones that matter are here. Cancer has done a fantastic job of showing the narcissists in my life and allowing me to remove them. 

I think some people absolutely do not know how to comprehend bad, scary, awful news. They dont know what to say. It can open up wounds, create trauma, make people behave in the strangest ways.

Its not an excuse but it is definitely a 'Them problem' 

Hi, I’m sorry this is happening to you all. It’s so hard anyway without this.

Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. I have found it reassuring (although sad) to know I'm not alone with this situation. @Love to all