Sad, shocked, Worried

I’m so sorry to hear your bad news. I think what you are feeling is completely normal especially after such a shock. It’s hard to be told one thing and then find it’s cancer. I had similar and I still get angry. I don’t have a stoma but there are lots of people on this forum who do and I’m sure will share their wealth of knowledge. The support services through Macmillian are also really good and I’ve found very helpful ti talk things through. I can’t say anything to make you feel better but just wanted to reach out x

Hi TraceyN and I’m sorry to hear that the biopsy has come back as cancer especially when you were under the impression that it was benign.Having another operation is not great but he needs to get any suspected area and lymph nodes removed to prevent any spread/recurrence.

The surgeon may be able to reconnect with a temporary stoma but if he has to have a permanent one then he will learn to cope with it and continue to enjoy a normal life - there’s lots of support on the Ileostomy,Colostomy, stoma support board. My friend who was diagnosed at the same time as me in 2016 has a permanent colostomy and enjoys holiday, cruises and everything she did before diagnosis.

Please give the support desk for a chat. Bowel cancer is very treatable so please don’t feel that you don’t have a future together - I’ve just celebrated 8 years since my operation - so have a good cry, punch a pillow and then take a deep breath and focus on getting through this together?

Keep posting whenever you need, ask anything you like and we’ll help and support you both through this

Take care

Karen x

Thank you so much for your kind words, I have put myself in bed for 3 days, I can’t cope. It’s all the worry and not knowing 

Thank you 

just feel terrible, can’t function 

Taking to your bed won’t help anything - you’ll just feel lower and lower? What are you ‘not knowing and worrying about’ in particular? You need to get your head round this to support your partner. Please ring the support team and talk to them? x

Over about 20 years ago I took to my bed after receiving a cancer diagnosis. It started me down a path of increasing anxiety and depression. The longer I stayed in bed, the worse it got. When I got out of bed, doing anything even simple things distracted me from my worries. I felt better.

Just giving yourself something else to focus on will help. Maintain your routines, they will help relax you. It's fine to cry or scream at the world but pick yourself up and carry on afterwards.  This is how we fight cancer and loved ones battle it too. 

I forgot to add... I ended up with 2 permanent stomas after my surgery.  I've had them about 4 months now and I've gotten used to them. They don't prevent me from doing anything I want to do. There is a steep learning curve to caring for them but after that, it's smooth sailing. 

As far as your future is concerned, there's no reason to think it won't be long and happy. People are "cured" all the time. Bowel cancer is treatable and typically slow growing.  There's plenty of reasons to be optimistic.  

Sending you both some virtual hugs. I can tell you are struggling.  

Thank you Susan . Xx

Don't panic! It's a long road and you need to take it a step at a time, but be hopeful, and keep positive I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in Feb. It had spread to my liver. I had a bowel op resulting in a stoma (it's not that bad , honest!) Then 3 months of chemo, then a liver op! Now here I am, back at work, back up to normal speed, and hoping for the 'all clear' after my next scan in Jan. Keep your chin up and give your partner lots of love and support,  and you will both get through it together. 

Thank you for your kind words, it’s so hard. Can’t digest what is happening, it’s like a dream! 
and so worried for him. So sad, wake in middle of night crying, it’s hit me so hard