Worried and alone

Hi Pt17srdg and a warm welcome to the board. I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling but from my experience in the board I think it is more likely your stress and anxiety causing your issues. Your fit test was negative and your scans were negative so the doctor cannot refer you urgently as you don’t sound to meet the criteria - I really don’t think it’s ageism. 
Mucus in the stool is normal - it’s what the body produces to ease the stool through and out of the body - you’ve probably just not really noticed it before until you’ve started looking in the toilet bowl more closely. 

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage but I certainly don’t think you’re cursed. It sounds like you’ve had a few minor health issues - some of which, by your own admission, have been caused by your diet - and then the miscarriage and it’s all built up and got on top of you a bit? Take a deep breath and try and focus on your facts-

Aug 23 - your bloods were normal so no follow up with GP

Jun 24 - weight loss following eating disorder. Blood tests and fit all ok apart from vitamin D which is very common

Oct - diarrhoea and stomach pain after a Chinese. Constipated after eating rubbish but clears after improving diet 

Nov - CT scan clear. 

Mild anaemia is not an end stage of bowel cancer. CT scans are normally given after bowel cancer has been diagnosed from a colonoscopy so are pretty reliable. 

I hope this post isn’t coming over as harsh but I really do feel that your stress and anxiety is causing a lot of your issues. You could maybe also keep a food diary and see if there is something that upsets your tummy the most?

Please give the support desk a ring on the number below and have a chat with them? Hopefully they will be able to reassure you and you can put this from your mind and enjoy Christmas?

Take care

Karen x

Hi Karen,

Thanks for the response. I actually received an appointment at the hospital for this Thursday which is both a relief and scary. 

I think I would be more calm if I hadn’t seen blood a couple of times in the last month. Granted, this on its own isn’t enough to cause anemia but it makes me worry about a possible internal bleed. 

I think it’s frustrating as I’ve never had any GI issues in my life bar one bout of the norovirus when I was 17 so all this is new to me and scary. I’m vegan and eat healthily so I don’t know what else explains the sudden change. Plus the intermittent stomach cramps are a constant reminder something isn’t right. 

I’m praying there’s a less worrying explanation to this but it’s all super scary. 

I wasn’t sure if I can use the support line as I’ve not been diagnosed with anything yet? I don’t want to take away any resources from people who do have a diagnosis! 

Thanks again for your help, I’m going to try and focus on work til Thursday but feel this may be the beginning of a long and stressful journey. 

Hi Pt17srdg 

You can absolutely call the support line without a diagnosis, so please do that. I remember you in the vulva cancer group where you convinced yourself you had advanced mucosal melanoma, and the pancreatic group where you thought you had pancreatic cancer. You were cleared from these worries, and also your lymphoma scare.

I did say before that you seem to have a huge lot of worries for a young person, focusing on the explanation for your symptoms being advanced cancer, so once again I would suggest that you seek some help for your health anxiety which must be so debilitating for you. 

The support line can point you in the right direction to get some help, and you should try to be encouraged by the number of tests you’ve had which have all come back clear. 

I understand you are scared, but many of your symptoms can be caused by extreme anxiety-please give the support line a call and chat through your worries.

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

Thanks so much for the reply.

I definitely do have a lot of worries and can’t seem to stop. I was diagnosed with PTSD from childhood abuse but I had a really good 2 year streak with only a few small wobbles. Even managed to live independently. I think the PTSD makes it really hard to relax and ever feel like something horrible isn’t just around the corner. But it’s been so bad recently. My uncle passed away to lung cancer in April and yesterday my Aunt was diagnosed with it but since I don’t smoke I’m not overly worried about that. My tight chest is definitely anxiety driven. 

It’s really frustrating having so many different symptoms and not knowing if they’re mental health related, some minor physical ailment or something really serious. I tried to take comfort in the normal CT scan but a friend (who is a doctor) said they can miss bowel and stomach problems. And anything under 2cm which has sent me spiralling again! 

I did start seeing a therapist but, as lovely as she is, am struggling to find it helpful atm. I’m going to stick with it regardless but she keeps asking me what I think I can do to cope but (and this may be autism related) I actually don’t know. I feel like if I did know, I wouldn’t be in therapy? 

Thanks again for your help, I will give the support line a ring I think. I just feel so guilty as I don’t even know if there’s anything wrong with me and people who are diagnosed deserve the support and time way more.  

Hope you have a lovely Christmas x

 Pt17srdg Yes as Sarah says you absolutely can ring the support desk and please let us know how you get on on Thursday? x

Thanks so much Karen, will do, I think it’s only a consultation so I don’t imagine much will come of it but will certainly keep you posted.

take care xx

Karen and Sarah have given you excellent feedback. I raised an autistic child (husband's son from a prior marriage) so I have a little understanding of autism.

I do think some of your emotional struggles are autism related. It is common to have a tendency to latch onto an idea and gather loads of information about it. This can cause you to spiral down into a dark place. 

The key may be learning to recognize when you are spiraling down and finding ways to interrupt that spiral. Perhaps you can distract yourself by forcing yourself to focus on something more positive, something you like that holds your interest.

This will be an iterative process... you will need to do it over and over. But with practice you will get better and it will get easier to do. This is something I'd encourage you to discuss with your therapist. 

I hope you get some relief soon. Your anxiety is obvious and I am sorry you are in such mental pain. 

Hi Karen,

hope you’re having a lovely week, just updating as promised.

Had an appointment with a gastro this morning who said I have an anal fissure that is nearly healed and would explain the blood.

He also suspects my iron deficiency is caused by endometriosis (which I have been diagnosed with) coupled with a miscarriage and D&C afterwards. 

he said my stomach issues are probably stress related and down to the fact I was anorexic for two years and tried to reverse this overnight so my gut is just in overdrive. He also agreed a CT would show anything over 1cm, and bowel cancer is very slow growing so he’s prescribed something strong iron tablets, a b12 injection and some zinc and said he’ll follow up with me in two months and if nothing improves we can do a colonoscopy. 

I’m still worried but he assured me even if it is worst case scenario two months won’t make a huge difference and I feel better knowing a plan is in place.

Just need to focus on relaxing a bit over Christmas which is soo hard when my stomach never shuts up and hurts!

going to start the food diary you suggested and see if anything triggers it. 

thanks for your support and have a lovely Christmas if you are celebrating xx

Hi Susan,

I definitely do fixate and obsess over things compulsively. Always have, and definitely related to being autistic. 

Normally my fixations are pretty benign- marine biology, old horror films etc but this has to be the worst one. 

I definitely need to find a new special interest! I’m seeing Wicked this weekend so maybe that will kick off.

Thanks so much and your step son is very lucky to have a mum who understands him. As someone who’s mum was incredibly abusive growing up, your support probably means the world to him! 

have a good Christmas 

Sophie x

 Pt17srdg Thanks tor the update Sophie which does sound reassuring. I know stress is very hard to manage - I’ve attached a link to a post that someone posted on the board a while ago which might be worth looking at?

https://www.sfh-tr.nhs.uk/services/cancer-psychology-service/feeling-stressed/

Hope the vitamins help and things have started to settle down before your follow up appointment 

Take care

Karen x