My boyfriend at 28 is at palliative care

Welcome to the forum Steroline . I am so sorry to read your post . It’s heartbreaking for you both .

However there is a subgroup of patients that actually do really well despite a difficult diagnosis and spread . They are just really responsive to chemo. However it is a hard process waiting to see if he is fortunate enough to fall into that group . If you click on my user name you can read my mum’s story .

We are however here to support you both as you take steps towards chemo. There is a thread I will link in that goes through some of the side effects . Do you know what chemotherapy agents he is hoping to have ? My mum used a combination of two .

Take one step at a time and we will be here not only to support but to answer some questions as they arise .

We also have a helpline if you need to speak to someone in confidence .

Take care. 

Court 

 https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/bowel-colon-rectum-cancer-forum/f/general/221768/chemo-care-top-tips--
You might find this helpful as you both prepare for chemotherapy.

Court 

Thank you no I don’t he has a meeting on Wednesday where he is getting the treatment but apparently his dr is very hard hitting with fact and can come across Brittany honest so I’m extremely worried 

That comes up a lot . My own mum’s first oncologist was brutal too ! The surgeon had said the same thing but with compassion. She actually stopped him and informed him she was fully aware but not wishing any further discussions on prognosis. Her original team are retired now so hold onto that thought . 

How are you doing yourself ?

Court. 

I’m trying to hold on to any positive I can but I’m so scared that it will just be the worst outcome like every time before. When he first went in I thought he was blocked when they mentioned cancer I said they where just saying all possibilities when they confirmed cancer I said stage 4 at the worst now. It’s knock down after knock down. 
I don’t know how I’m doing some days I’m strong for him but other days I can’t be I feel selfish because all I’m thinking about it how I can’t help him and how I’m going to cope without him. I try and do any little thing for him that he asks but it’s hard knowing he’s struggling and is terrified. I feel like I’ll never be ok again we are in our 20s we shouldn’t be going through this 

Firstly I would like to say you are very selfless . You are trying to do your best in a very , very difficult situation . Acknowledging how this impacts your own life and the pain and potential loss that brings is not selfish , it’s human.  You are holding on tight and putting him first and I think that makes you a pretty fantastic human . To face this so young is unfair . For some reason no one seems to be able to understand a younger group of bowel cancer patients have surfaced and it’s heartbreaking.

You are right to try and protect yourself in the process . . It’s also very important to keep your own health needs going . Good food and a coffee out with a friend to offload . 

The one thing we can do despite it all is keep showing up and loving them . Sometimes that is all we have to give and sometimes it’s the most important one .

At the very beginning I would say what is required of me today . Just today . That would help me get through it one day at a time .

The first meeting  with the oncologist is tough as it can be a series of negativity. However it does ease . Slowly but surely you work through it one cycle at a time . Keeping him hydrated with a bit of good nutrition in itself becomes the focus . It’s a toe by toe journey but for some things start to improve. 
We hold onto hope that he is one of them .

Court