Well, last day of 2022. I didn't think I'd be spending it this way. Jay phoned this morning still not sure if he's getting out today or not. Said he didn't have a good night last night sleep wise. He's always hated hospital beds and finds then a tad uncomfortable. His stoma has decided to `misbehave` as well he said in that he's had not output, and it's dried up for some reason- from one extreme to another so don't know now if they want to wait until he has an output on that before they do anything. Think they're analysing his bags just now. William (our son) is going up there today there are a couple of things he wanted me to take up to him but because of where the Beatson is, it's in the west end of Glasgow so I'm away the other side and can be a bit of a faff to get to. I asked William to take me but unfortunately, he has other things on today. His partner is working today and he needs to pick her up at 2p.m. he has the wee one all day so it's not practical to take her up to the Beatson don't think they let children in at visiting anyway and he has shopping to do inbetween and then they are going out for dinner at 4 today so to save hassle he has said he will drop by and take all the things his dad want's up to him. Never thought I would feel it today with Jay being in the hospital and not being able to bring in the new year with me, but it's began to hit me. It may still happen, and he may still get home, but I don't see it. I just feel so strangely low as if I just want to hole up in the house and not go out or see anyone, but I need to get out because of the dog the poor dog needs to get out. Keep telling myself he's in the best place and being looked after. My sister will be here later but she's as much help as a bucket with a hole in it. She can't recognise empathy in anyway the other week I burst into tears, and she just went `don't`. She's not one of those people who will come and put a comforting arm around you or anything and just sits n says `It'll be ok`. I know she's in her own little world and as long as you are doing things for her, she's fine with that. She can't use a bank card as I said so I need to get money for her, and I had to go out and get that yesterday just walking along the road in a wee daze just going to do what I had to then getting back to the house again. Just need to try to make the best of things.
Vicky x
