Reminiscing

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So, can't believe it's almost been a year since Jay was preparing to go through his operation in January to get his tumour cut out and how hopeful we were that it was all going to be taken away which it did but what a difference almost a year makes, and we are back fighting it again. He went through his first cycle of his 2nd go at chemo on Friday and came home feeling upbeat but then yesterday his mood was really `flat` again. We had the nurse in today to disconnect his chemo pump he has to wear for 2 days (48 hours) he needs to wear the `bum bag` pouch around his neck as it's not big enough to go round his waist- he still has his big gut, and they didn't have any extension clips for the pouch. Nice wee nurse from Ballymena in Northern Ireland been in Scotland for 10 years. Think she's coming back or could be another nurse on Wednesday to flush his picc line and change dressing and then the following Wednesday he'll get bloods done before starting his next cycle. He's getting Fluroracil and Irinotecan this time so hoping and praying we will get results of sorts with this one. He said something the other night that really scared me an advert came on about the Edinburgh Military Tatoo in 2023 and he said he WOULD have liked to have seen that again and I said why don't we go then, and he said to me was I sure he would be here then that has really put the sh***ers up me. I just feel because of his attitude we can't actually plan anything, and I try my best to try to get him to have a positive attitude and it scares me.

Vicky

1in1500 over 2 years ago

Hi PattyK I'm just popping over from another group to reply to this message. Unfortunately, as hard as we try to be positive about a diagnosis of cancer, it's just not possible to be positive all the time. I myself have said similar things on occasion and to be honest, we probably don't understand just how much of an effect it has on other people. Like you say, it must be frightening to hear that but at least he feels he can express his innermost fears to you. On dark days those types of thoughts do run through your head, sometimes you just put on a brave face but sometimes you just can't. Don't forget the Macmillan support helpline is there for carers too, don't forget that you need support too, it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00 I wish you both the best for 2023.

PattyK over 2 years ago in reply to 1in1500

Thanks 1in1500 I contact the helpline often and they are really good and calming. I also come on to forum regularly and there are always people here that can `put me right` on certain worries and fears.