Distressed After Argument.

Vicky

My heart goes out to you!  You are dealing with so much! Your own emotions as well as being a support to your husband. 
It might be worth seeking help from Maggie’s or Cancer Support Scotland if you live in Scotland.  Both provide support to all those affiliated by cancer.  I am not sure where you live but you need support to get through this time.

There are always arguments in any relationship but add the stress of a cancer diagnosis and all the uncertainty that brings, it’s not a surprise things get too much sometimes!

Hope tomorrow is a better day!

Thanks Jac!

I am myself actually going through some counselling with SAMH in Scotland. I got in touch with them through NHS24 Scotland. I was on a course of Diazepam a few weeks ago through my GP and I wanted to try to get some more last week but of course the lines to the GP were constantly busy and they're still not doing face to face appointments but callbacks instead so by the time I got through all callbacks for that day were taken so I really needed to speak to someone, and I phone NHS24 and they put me through to their mental health team. I got a phone call the same afternoon from a lovely lady called Ronni who just let me pour out my heart to her. She has referred me on a short counselling course where I am assigned a keyworker called Gary and he phones me a couple times over a two-week period just to make sure I'm ok. When he phoned me the first-time last Wednesday, I was really bad, but he phoned yesterday, and I was able to tell him some of the good news we got at Jay's oncology appointment on Thursday and he said my mood and the tone of my voice sounded so much better. He has been sending me links to mindfulness apps via youtube and other online breathing exercises for anxiety and stress so I have been trying all of those but today, I don't know I think I may have been having a relapse and hopefully it's a blip and everything will be ok again. Take Care. 

Vickyx 

Hi Vicky

I don't know what to say as I'd split from my fiancee two weeks before diagnosis so no-one to argue with but myself!! 

I guess if it was me I'd try to explain that it's both of you that the cancer is affecting. You're  both having to deal with it, and should support each other. Being strong with, and for each other is what will get you through.

Richard x

Hi Ed!! You're Still Here Then?

Thanks for that. Yeas, as I said earlier think he has just been having one sh*t day and hopefully he'll be good tomorrow. Sorry about you splitting with your fiancee had no idea. Yes, I think the cancer doesn't just affect the patient but those around them too. It's so hard like I said a `rollercoaster of emotions` been so elated over the last few days with the news they are going to give chemo with Jay another go but scared and nervous at the same time and today just so so down because he's down it reflects back on me. My SAMH counsellor said yesterday over the phone that he could hear that my mood and the tone in my voice had really changed for the better wonder what he'll say tomorrow when he phones. I've told him about coming on here and connecting with you all and he said thats good and to keep doing it. Take Care of yourself Eddie (Richard) and best of luck in all you do- with positivity no doubt. Thanks for all the wise words.

Vicky xx

Hi Vicky,

Im sorry to hear you are going through this but I kind of know what you mean only it’s in the reverse with me. 

im the one with the life limiting illness and it’s my husband that’s going into moods all the time which I find difficult. I realise he going through the diagnosis as well however over the last month he’s fell out with me 3 times and goes off in a huff and lies in bed sleeping. 

I’ve tried speaking to him about it but nothing changes. 

He did it last weekend before I went away for a break with my daughter and granddaughter but I made sure I still had a fab time. He did it  yesterday again when we were up visiting my son not seen him since. He’s lying in bed. Took his breakfast up said he did not want it. 

I’ve told him I fully intend to end my days happy regardless of the silent treatment on a regular basis. And have told him he won’t be coming to my oncology appointment this Friday I will be going alone.  

I don’t have time for all this rubbish as I’ve enough on my plate so you’re not alone. 

We have been married 47 years and I can’t comprehend the way he’s acting towards me. 

I’m walking on eggshells round him and to be honest I just don’t have time for it. 

To be honest I’m shocked at his behaviour I thought we could be on the same page and forge ahead doing lovely things while I still can. But he seems more interested in petty crap. . 

There you go your not alone xx

Hi Cath

Im flabbergasted forty seven years and your hubby isn’t there for you.

Self pity is best ignored  

It’s really encouraging that you’re making the most  of every day. 

Sending you a hug 

Hi,

My daughter in law said it’s probably his way of dealing with it and I get that. But I don’t have a moment to waste so I will continue on my journey doing it my way. 

Xx

Sadly, it might be his way of coping with it all. Guys can be reluctant to get support, even just talking to friends about it and he might be bottling it all up. 

In the meantime, look after yourself x

Hi,

You’re right I’m sure. That’s what my family say however, I’m still focussed on ignoring all the crap and continuing on my journey getting as much out of life as possible. 

Thank you for replying, 

xx

Love your attitude Faloola - you go girl x