Hi AgainAll!
Sorry! but I just need to come on here. Had a wee argument with Jay, I asked him if this is just going to be him and that he won't attempt to walk anymore and he said `well if that's what you think` I suppose that'll be it. He said some days he just feels he doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere and that he feels really tired not as if he wants to go to sleep but his body just feels like a ton weight. I don't know if it's fatigue or the cancer working on him or both. I said that we don't laugh so much these days and he said what has he got to laugh about seeing as he's more or less been told without the chemo he's got 9-12 months? I would just like to see him at least try to be positive because they say a positive attitude helps but he is just taking the defeatist attitude and I don't know what to do to help him get round it. I said to him would he even consider trying to do some walking and he says he can't but he's not even going to try. I said so we're never going to get that back again and he said Well no I don't know. This is going to hamper his attempts to at least give chemo another shot if they see that his energy levels are still down. I'd like to see him at least give the 5FU a go and if it's too much they just stop it. But then again if his blood levels are low too that could go against him too. The oncologist doesn't want to start anything if he thinks it may cause severe side effects which could make him worse and he's gave the condition that only if he thinks Jay is fit enough to take he will do it and then mentioned starting him on a low dose to see how he tolerates it again. I have read up on the 5FU and it seems it's one of the more effective colorectol cancer treatments. A few more nasty side effects they say but not everyone gets them and if Jay goes on it maybe he will be one of the lucky ones. I just want him back because the way he looks at me these days its as if I'm a stranger to him.
Hi there
I think that you may need to go with the flow. When he’s feeling bright do something nice together. It’s hard I know as my hubby sleeps a lot these days but we get some fun in between.
Our lives are much smaller than they were, I’ve accepted that bit I still have him and that’s what’s important
Your hubby may need a little time to gather his strength. Is he eating and drinking?
I hope that this gives you some support.
Take care
Ann
Thanks, Artsie!
Not a lot of bright days going on just now and don't know if they'll come back. Yes, our lives too as you say have got that bit smaller. He is eating and drinking still but the eating is definitely smaller portions. Suggested we go out for a run in the car today but shrugged it off. Just feel he's gave up already
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It’s hard on you both mentally. He must feel drained he’s also got a stoma to look after which can be demanding at times especially when your food intake is low. Maybe isotonic drinks one or two daily may help I used to buy the own brand for fifty pence. Depending on which type. Colostomy or Ileostomy diet can help too. Like spinach peanut butter. High goodness less bulk.
I hope you have a good weekend.
Take care
Ann
Thanks again Artsie!
Yes mentally it has been hell! I've been prescribed Diazepam by my GP short trem treatment because I've been in such a state since Thursday. I try to get him those energy drinks you can get Red Bull etc needs to be sugar free though because of his diabetes. He has started to eat grapes and blueberries seemingly they are a known `superfood` in fighting cancer. What's a weekend?? not had one of those in weeks. Days just morph together for us just now you forget what day it is
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Im sending positive angels your way for both of you.
One of my mantras (I have many)
If you can't change it, deal with it, move on and focus on what you can change, not what you can't. One of the biggest barriers to our positive outcomes, is whats in our mind, there's no upside to negativity!!!!
I read "How your mind can heal your body" by David R Hamilton some time ago amd it was inspiring, along with "The power of NOW" by Ekhart Tolle
These may help?
I'm also lucky to have my poetry as a diversion 
