My Mum's Bowel Cancer

I know this feeling very well and I'm so sorry for you and your mum (you will get so sick of hearing that but try to keep believing that people mean it because they do!) 

Despite my mums cancer experience I cant really offer much advice because everyone is so different but here is what I have:

1. Do not feel guilty for being angry with your mum at any stage during this. It is hard for her but it is hard for you too. One of the things I found so difficult at first is that me and mum would always bicker but it felt awful to argue when she was ill. My mum has sadly since passed away (she had a brain tumour, please don't be alarmed!) But at the end we took the piss all the time. Her friends said she really appreciated me being 'normal' with her. I was so angry with her for being ill and I dont feel guilty now, how are we supposed to regulate these kinds of emotions?? 

2. Ask for an advocate at hospital meeting and go in with questions that you've discussed and considered before, even small meetings. Or just ask a trusted friend. You will be so overwhelmed in those meetings and doctors, with the best will in the world, are understaffed and busy and might forget that you don't understand the language in the way that they do. Having someone else there to help translate is so helpful.

That's what I have, but mostly I want to say sorry. It's lonely and its scary but it's actually not so bad all the time. I have great memories of wheeling my mum around at full speed round the hospital on the horrible wheelchairs and the mad shit she used to say when she was on steroids. Just do your best and be kind to yourself. Lots of love from a stranger xxx

SH123Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear of your mum passing also but so glad you have those memories ️  I really appreciate your reply x

Hi Louise83 and a warm welcome to the board. The waiting for scan results and meetings is very stressful but once there is a treatment plan in place for your mum then things will honestly feel a bit better.

Bowel cancer is notoriously slow growing and very treatable especially if caught early. There will be a lot to take in at the first meeting so take a pen and paper with you and jot down any questions that you think of beforehand. I’ve heard some people download a recording app on their phones and record the meeting (with the consultants permission). I’ve attached a link to the booklet that I was given at my first meeting which may help with some of the terminology and treatment to expect

https://bowelcancerorguk.s3.amazonaws.com/Publications/YourPathway_BowelCancerUK.pdf

Please let us know how you get on - we’re all at different stages of treatment and recovery and will be happy to help and support you through this

Take care

Karen x

Kareno62 Thank you so much   I will definitely give this a read. And knowing it is slow growing definitely gives me a little more hope. Xx

Hello Louise!

I get what you're going through because I'm in a similar position. My husband's bowel cancer returned in May/June this year after getting the operation in January to rid him of it all which they did- or at least thought they did. Never once did we imagine it would come back and we were bouncing along very happily getting our lives back to normal the BANG! we were brought back down to earth with an incredible thump! He had to go through further courses of chemotherapy CAPOX but around about the 4 th cycle he became ill. A CT scan was taken just after his 3rd cycle and it was found that there had been a spread to the pelvis (please don't be alarmed at that though everyone is different). He has been taken off chemo for now because he may need a stent or nephostromy inserted to help drain his kidneys in case they become blocked and hopefully he'll get started on chemo again or some other kind of treatment. He was tolerating his chemo so well up until cycle 4 he was tolerating it that well that they upped the dosage of both in cycle 3 and for some reason he sailed through that cycle but midway through No4 he started having a really bad reaction. He was sent home at his last oncology appointment with water tablets for fluid retention and they worked. It's just so unfair and yes I've done a lot of crying too. Haven't done that for a while but I think in the last couple of weeks I've been making up for lost time. I wish you well. Take Care.

Vicky x

And that's the thing I hold on to as well! For the fact that they say bowel cancer is slow growing. This is what his surgeon told Jay when she told us it was back so I take a wee bit of comfort in that but all the same it's still there and I just pray they can do their magic and get rid of it. `Kick it's ass once and for all`

Vicky x

PattyKit really is so disheartening and painful knowing it's returned. I do hope your husband well and you of course. Like you were were loving the fact it had gone and to get the news it's like we have gone back to the beginning. Like you hearing its slow growing is a positive. Please keep me updated on your husband's progress. X 

Will do Louise!  It's so hard and so unfair. I just cannot focus on anything just now other than this. When we went to his last oncology appointment, we had hopes of at least the maximum dose of his CAPOX had at least done something but again we were `shot back down` when the oncologist said his recent CT showed a spread. Some people are so positive here it's unbelieveable and it can be them that is going through it. I just wish I could adopt their outlook. I wish you well. 

Vicky x

Hi Louse

I understand all your thoughts & feelings right now....But these are very early days for you & your mother. Her diagnosis was only a few days ago, & obviously, you are still in shock, & are unsure about all those awful feeling you are experiencing right now. Yes, you will experience anger, sadness & bewilderment right now. However, & as Karen said - once a Treatment plan is put in place....you will begin to feel more relieved.

I'm speaking from both sides of the fence here.I suddenly had a phone call, back in the late '80's telling me my mother was dying from Brain Mets.I returned to London, & looked after her for 6 weeks. Yes I was angry & scared - but it needed to be done at that time.

However, I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer back in May '19 & times have moved on - in terms of treatment. Bowel Cancer is slow growing. I have no idea how my daughter felt at that time...but I remember her phone call, shortly after my surgery - when she was crying, & didn't realise the Op. I had was major surgery.

As the mother, I didn't want my daughter to see me post surgery. I always wanted to appear stronger for her. Three years on, I think I still am.

Bowel Cancer is easily treated, if caught early. The tumour size is not an indication re.surgery/ Chemo.

Your mother has to deal with this treatment alone, but she will be helped by your understanding & love.

Best of

Marianne

Hi Louise,

Sorry to hear about your mum. First thing to say is bowel cancer tends to be slow growing. 
Sounds as if they have caught it early if that’s the case they may be able to do surgery and take the tumour away. 

I had small bowel cancer 10 years ago the tumour was roughly 4 cm I had a right hemi colectomy followed by adjuvant chemotherapy. I’m still here 10 years later.

1. Unfortunately it’s returned and it inoperable and not curable, but the positive I take form it is the treatment they gave me allowed me to have 10 great years allowing me to see my 4  granddaughters born and grow up and spend time with over the last 10 years that’s been fabulous. 
   
   

One week after completing my treatment I was able to be at my first granddaughter’s birth it was magical considering at that time I never thought I would be here to even see her. 

I now face another cancer journey which will be more difficult  and challenging but I will face it as I do with everything in life by taking it one day at a time. 

I will have your mum in my thoughts that she will have a long life and think positive as hard as it is. Just enjoy life with your mum. 

Im just back from a fantastic break away to Edinburgh with my daughter and granddaughter and will be off for another break to Glasgow in two weeks for another break making memories. 
We shopped till  we dropped lol. 

Sending massive hugs to you and your mum.xx