Another Wobble!!

Dear Vicky,

Its terrible what yous are both going through however, I agree with Jay it will bring him down. As you know I’ve stage 4 recurrent bowel cancer inoperable and not curable and have not been offered any treatment plan apart from the 5 days radiotherapy for my hip. 

I’ve said to my husband I don’t want any negativity around me so he’s to stop crying and telling me he can’t live without me. I’ve told him life goes on and this is my destiny. I can be sad or happy I choose happy as being sad is not going to change anything. 

I am living my life quite happily at the moment taking it one day at a time. I don’t dwell on my diagnosis. I put my diagnosis in a box until my next oncologist appointment and take it out then, and boy do I take it out then ask my oncologist  

I’m going about my days as I was before my diagnosis. Everyone is different that’s just how I am dealing with it. 

You should celebrate your birthday. I got all dressed up for mine in October and we all went out for a meal then back to our house. I see it as making memories, 

I know it’s hard but try although I realise it’s very difficult  not to dwell on it. I’m sending you the biggest hug ever. 

Im planning the biggest shindig ever with my family at Christmas   and plan to make it a belter lol. 

Positive  thoughts beaming your way xx

Thanks Cath!

I am in absolute awe of your attitude and stamina. Wish I could be like you- and you are the one going through it! From the carers point of view, it is hard, and I assume your hubby will be feeling the same. Thanks for the BIG HUGS! much appreciated. 

Vicky xx

I call the crying now as `having a wee moment` you need to release it. I daresay your hubby will be the same. I used to think for a long time I was weird because I could never seem to cry now though, I think I'm making up for lost time. When my dad passed from lung cancer 10 years ago, I never felt this bad, and I was very close to him (daddy's girl with being the youngest) I don't know if I really grieved for him properly and though Jay is still here and going through it I don't know if this is it all coming out now. 

Vicky x

Hi Vicky,

I just want to be happy. I remember watching my dad every day after he was diagnosed with cancer it was lung cancer he had and travelled to his brain. He would not let  my mum open the blinds and he  stopped going into the garden he so loved. My dad withdrew from life gave up and went into a depression, so maybe that’s why I’m the way I am. Maybe that’s why you feel the way you do it’s maybe just all coming back and that’s an outlay for you.

I just feel whatever time I have left and I don’t know how long because I decided at this juncture I don’t want a prognosis. 

I have made the decision if I’m positive and happy it will be a better experience for my family and they won’t feel awkward when with me. 

I understand everyone’s journey is different and as the partner of someone that has been diagnosed is going through it as well. I like to think  I’m helping my husbands journey if he thinks I’m ok it’s less stressful for him. 

When I went back to the hairdressers for the first time after being diagnosed, I just told everyone and said any questions just get them out the way happy to answer they just looked at me and all burts out laughing with relief that it wasn’t going to be awkward when I came in. 

here’s more massive hugs. Celebrate your 60th it only comes round once and have a ball. 

It’s good to talk. 

Yes, I do remember watching my dad deteriorate too and as you say, this could it be all coming out now. He decided not to have any treatment at all but that was his decision and no amount of talking or coaxing was going to change his mind. He was such a strong intelligent man in the community we lived. He was a head deacon in our church, and he was one of those people he knew just about everyone, and everyone knew him. He was always helping people through the church and neighbours round about and to see him decline the way he did at the end up was so distressing. I lost my mum to bowel cancer 26 years ago, but back then I don't think they had all the treatment going on that they have now, and treatment was limited. We actually didn't know at the time she had bowel cancer and my dad though he was protecting my sister and I not telling us, but my sister found out and told me later. I lost a sister to a brain tumour too way back in the 60's when I was only about 6 years old, and she was 17 her identical twin is still here (my other sister) and she had breast cancer 3 years ago but was caught very early so just went in got it cut out then 15 rounds of radiotherapy sorted it. She's been on Tamoxifen since and goes for regular mammograms and is still clear. Jay lost his dad and brother to cancer too so it's hit us both hard over the years and now we have our own fight going on. Sorry to be so negative again.

Vicky x

Hi PattyK

Thats a lot ! Do you have an approachable GP ? You could talk to them about counselling or getting some help to support you .

Just a thought but even just a talk with mine really helped .

Court 

Hi,

Awe I’m sorry to hear that. Like you there seems to be cancer in my family. I’ve lost my mum dad and brother to it and now it’s my turn again. 

What can you do? That’s why I say it’s good to talk as we all deal with things in our own way. 

You’ve got this just keep talking ️

Thanks! Luv U!

Hi Court! How are you?  I've been trying to get an appointment this week but as you have probably seen on the Scottish news programmes GPs are still not taking face to face appointments. When you phone in at 8.30 the phone is constantly engaged and then when do eventually get through all appointments for that day are gone and it's all for callback appointments-phone consultations. I am on Fluoxetine tablets for depression I have been on those for a few years now and the GP actually upped the dosage for me when Jay was going through this inital cancer diagnosis I was only on one a day and they upped it to 2. Shocking the way GPs are behaving and that they still use Covid as an excuse in some cases not to see patients face to face when hospitals are more or less back to normal and fit to bursting with people going to A & E for non-emergency treatments. 

Vicky x 

HI Cath

When did your  recurrent  cancer come  back....so sorry and you  are amazing with such a positive  attitude..you  truly  are amazing helping other  people..including  myself  with words of encouragement..thank you

Warm  hugs  xxx