Sharks circling

Hi everyone,

I've not been on here much lately, but my island is so tiny, and the sharks aren't just circling they're snapping at my toes. I was supposed to have the robtic LAR, without any stoma,  or if the joint leaks then a temporary one, I don't mind, a stoma isn't a big deal, if I need one, I need it. I had the date for op, which was 1september. That was cancelled, I did go into hospital as a day case that day, as the consultant wanted to make a "road map" as the tumor is so low down. Felt like I'd been rodgered by an elephant! That day she gave me a new date of the 6th October,  she reaffirmed that date on the 5th when I saw her. Then the waiting list clerk rang to say the date was the 6th, that I had had my preop and surgical school, and I had everything I needed to prepare my bowel on the 5th, and give myself heparin injection, and they gave me some carb drinks for the day before, and then 2 at 5am on the day of the op. So this man confirmed the date.  On Monday I had a call from the same man, telling me there were no theatres that day, and it would be later, 13th maybe, but that's not "carved in stone" 2 mins later, I had the awful news that the 87yr old who has been like a mum to since 1976, had died. I'd spoken to her the day before, she was fine. It looks like she fell at the side of the bed, she fell a few weeks ago, managed to get hold if me and I went to put her back into bed. She was found at the side of her bed, which is very high, I'm 5 7 and it came up to above my waist, very comfy though, she'd fallen and obviously couldn't get to the phone, friends who were around and noticed her curtains weren't open and door was locked went to get the spare key and found her. So that wasn't a good day, then I got a call saying that the op was cancelled. So I've spent the last 3 days trying to get that sorted, my consultants on the warpath, I've just had a call from her secretary and it looks like it will be cancelled according to her secretary, the management is now apparently involved, I'm crumbling, this will be the 3rd time it's happened. I feel utterly helpless, and lost.