What A Week That Was!

Hi Everyone!

Had a really Sh***y week! Who knew we would finish the week on complete low?? I've decided that I have let this take me over and I shouldn't .Hubby got results of his scan on Tuesday and the B*****d that is Cancer is back!! I honestly cannot function or focus on anything other than this. It has taken me back to last June just before he got his original cancer diagnosis in July !st  Was looking forward to celebrating this date next week as being the date he got diagnosed and beat it 6 months later but that's not going to happen now it seems!  For the last 3 days I have not been able to function or focus on anything other than this!  and have been mainly going through the last couple days on `auto pilot`.  The last couple of mornings I have found it really hard to get up and face the day and just feel I want to pull the duvet over my head and hope it all goes away. I have to force myself to eat because I my stomach is constantly doing somersaults and then don't enjoy my food and I break down at the least wee thing. Basically I'm a mess!!  I know this sounds awful and I'm making it all about me when it's not but I need to get out someway and coming on here helps. Hubby's bowel cancer is back and its in his stomach lining and part of his pelvis think its called the piroteneum?? So much information about it being advanced, mastisised etc and this is making me sick I think because It says there is a shorter life span with this although his surgeon says his tumour is `slow growing` and when I read about this they are called carcinoid tumours and are classed as `low grade` so i'm reading a lot of contradicting information. His surgeon says his life span is `years into the future` and then you read things that tell you different so who do you believe?? We don't see his oncologist until the 7th July which at the moment seems like a lifetime away and what I worry about is the longer its taking to see him his cancer could spread but then I think well if they want to see him then the cancer can't be that serious. Then there's all this stuff about cancer grading etc all that doctor/science speak that I don't understand really. We've decided to tell our son and his partner after we see the oncologist because hopefully then we will have a clearer picture of what's to happen regarding treatment. My son didn't take it too great the first time so god knows how he'll cope this time. He ran and told all his friends on Facebook/Instagram when his dad n I were trying to keep it private so we had to end up telling the rest of the family. I have an older sister (71) who has learning difficulties and she just cannot comprehend the seriousness of it. She had breast cancer 3 years ago and beat it and she's still clear but I feel she thought this was great because she was getting attention because she suffers from bouts of depression and anxiety and has epilepsy and tends to make up stories to get attention.  My dad was her carer until he passed away 10 years ago. (metastatic lung cancer so you see why I fear that word `metastatic`) and I got her a move into sheltered housing. Mum had bowel cancer too and passed away 26 years ago but back then they don't have all the new technologies they have these days. So cancer has been no friend of mine over the years and now I'm scared its going to take my husband from me and I'm scared, confused, anxious and all sorts going on.