Sorry in advance for the essay but this is my first post!
My husband has recently been diagnosed with Bowel cancer in the lower rectum. He has had a colonoscopy, MRI and CT scans and an initial appointment with the surgical team but we have not yet seen the oncologist, though an appointemtn is booked for next week. We understand from the test results that the tumour is approximately 2.5 cm across and has possibly been growing for 4- 5 years, but we have no indication from the medics yet about what stage the cancer is, though they seem to be suggesting that there is no evidence that it has spread elsewhere. He has been told that he will have 5 weeks of Chemo radiotherapy, a 6-8 week break and then major surgery which will leave him with a permanent stoma.
He was taking part in Bowel cancer screening but this stopped 18 months ago when he was 70 and the tumour wasn't picked up (I know no test is 100% effective) so his only symptoms were a change in his bowel movement.
My husband is a very private person and does not want to tell anyone what is going on. He has only told our 5 children because he had to miss our grandsons 18th Birthday for a hospital appointment. I am finding this very difficult as I am feeling very emotional and am the sort of person that needs to talk through my worries. I am hoping that this forum will be a place where I can share my concerns and learn from other's experiences.
Of concern at the moment is work. My husband does not want me to tell them what is going on which I accept, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope at work as I am rather tearful. I have also taken lots of days leave at short notice to take him to hospital appointment so I have very little annual leave yet. In the future I can probably ask for some unpaid leave but I would usually need to explain what this is for. I am at a loss to know what to do as once his treatment starts I am likely to need more time off and once he has his surgery he will not be able to drive for 6 weeks or more and will need care.
Does anyone have any brilliant ideas about how to manage these conflicting demands?
Thank you
Hi Researchwife.
I think you really need support too especially at work. It’s an impossible task to hold all the eggs in the basket, keep on working and not be emotional.
Hopefully you can talk to those in charge and arrange things so at least you can have support from your work colleagues.
Will your family step up to help after the operation?
I found it challenging coming to terms with my operation and coping with an temporary ileostomy, however at the end of the day I wanted the cancer out. My husband just listened and was very supportive but I could see the strain it was taking on him I think it’s worse when it’s your loved one.
He may be going through the same emotional turmoil I went through. It’s a massive adjustment. You could explain how you are feeling and your issues with work he may realise that you need support too.
With best wishes
Artsie
Ann
