Bowel cancer

FormerMember over 3 years ago

3 replies
116 subscribers
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After 3 weeks of stomach ache and 2 trips to my doctors my husband decided to take me to A & E on the 28th May. Due to having ultra sound scans and CT scans I was told I would have to stay in that night. The next day I was told the devastating news that I had a tumour in my large bowel which would require open surgery to remove. I had the operation on the 1st June and after 10 days in hospital I am now home. My mind is swimming with a mixture of emotions which I cannot make sense of. I have been told the operation went well and they are quietly confident they have removed it all, but I still feel scared, worried, anxious about what if they haven’t. I keep imagining what if it comes back in a few years time etc. I do not feel ready yet to ask for help as I feel that I am then admitting that I had Cancer. To be honest I feel completely numb but also tearful. I have 3 teenage children and a lovely husband, who I try and always be positive around but really all I want to do is fall apart. I have an appointment with the oncologist on the 29th June to discuss if they think I will need chemo. Sorry for the rambling on and this probably does not make any sense but thought I would jot down a few of my concerns/worries while I feel brave enough.

WillaD over 3 years ago

Hi Clairesmiff, I feel it is only normal that you have so many thoughts and emotions letting the news sink in. i can relate to so much of what you said. I am in a similar situation and got home 4 days ago, but I don’t have my appointment yet for the final histology and diagnosis. I understand that you want to put on your brave face to your family but I wonder is there someone you can just fall apart with. You could also try the helpline. I’d be that person with you if I could. I am with you in spirit. I am hoping for the best for you. Xxx

FormerMember over 3 years ago in reply to WillaD

Hi WillaD,

Thank you for the lovey message. I am hoping to try some counselling sessions soon. I hope all goes well for you with your final appointment and know I will be thinking of you.

Net77 over 3 years ago

Hi Clairesmiff,

The waiting time between test and diagnoses is usually a very stressful time for people and then you get a plan in place and usually have a period of time to try and get your head round it all.

However, in your case it didn’t work out like this. It all appears to have happened so quickly for you; I’m not surprised you feel mentally numb and your head is spinning! It will take time for you to process it all and you’re bound to have many questions and concerns.

I can identify to a certain extent with your thoughts re being labelled. In my mind it was the change in how I saw myself, from what I thought I was - a relatively fit and healthy 64 year old with lots of energy and a love of life, to someone with cancer and an unknown future. It has certainly changed my point of view on a number of things.

I needed to get my head around what was going on and get my thoughts into some sort of order before I could even speak properly to my husband and children about it. And yes, I tried to stay positive in front of everyone and carried on as if nothing had happened when all I want to do was fall apart (I think felt that I had to get my head around everything first before sharing my thoughts with others). I also find writing down how I feel and my concerns and anxieties help me get my thoughts in some sort of order and helps put things in perspective. So, although it might be useful to speak to someone in the future don’t feel you’ve got to rush. A lot has happened and you need to give yourself time to process it all.

I found reading Dr Philippa Kaye’s book ‘Doctors Get Cancer too’ very useful. She articulated, (in some cases exactly how I felt), far better than I was capable of doing at the time and I found that very helpful in knowing other people felt exactly as I did.

I hope your appointment with the oncologist on the 29^th went well and you have been able to get answers to your questions and have a plan in place going forward. Do let us know.

Thinking of you.

Take Care.

Net77