Losing the will to live. Struggling more then ever

Hi, so very sad to hear what you're both going through. My thoughts are to seek a second opinion so that you are satisfied what is being offered is the best treatment option, and also you really need to have faith in your team treating your husband, so definitely would advise a second opinion. 

Do you have anyone who could field the calls from the family members, as it's understandable they want an update, but also so draining for you having to repeat information etc. I don't know if it's practical but maybe chose 1 family member who you relay info to, and they can update everyone else?

You must be exhausted with all that is goi g on and a young family to care for, try to look after yourself too. 

Love Frances xx 

Hi @Partnerofcancerpatient. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time of things. I suspect that his support nurse won’t be available to talk to today but perhaps you could give the nurses on here a ring on 0808 808 00 00? As for his family wanting updates I nominated my mum as chief contact point and asked everyone to ring her for updates so perhaps you could set that plan in place?

Sorry I’ve not been able to help more but will be sending positive thoughts tomorrow that the drain makes him more comfortable

Take care

Karen x

Ive got my husbands sister in law who is the middle ground but it doesnt stop his parents always calling and when i have nothing to give them they call more. Honestly driving me bonkers. We are supposed to be having a zoom call appointment with a private hospital tomorrow but i dont know if they will do it with Hubby going into hospital. I cant see him coming out for afew days and i need to know what they think. Also had his notes referred to Christie hospital xx

So sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now. Hang on in there. Once a treatment plan is in place things will probably be easier to manage - I hope the Zoom call goes ahead so that you can get a clearer picture of the way ahead. It's good news that his notes have been referred too. I do hope that your local MacMillan are offering support? Do get in touch if you haven't already done so. Can your your parents in law or sister in law help with the children at all? This would give them a focus, enabling them them feel involved whilst also being a help to you. Sending you love and strength. x

They live 3 hours away and haven't seen any of us since last year when lockdown eased. My parents are close but worry about Covid as they both still work. My eldest is 15 and is being a rock at the moment x 

Hi I'm sorry to hear about how terrible atime you are having, I have had two operations due to cancer in the last month, due to not getting anywhere i went through bupa, it was really worth it the care was amazing and the second cancer was only found because they did a full body scan. If you can go this way I would highly recommend it, its not as expensive as you would think.

We have an appointment with Rutherford Cancer Centre so I'm really hoping they can offer abetter treatment plan. We haven't really had a treatment plan from our hospital just delay on delay for us. 

This sounds very rough and I totally understand the heartfelt weariness of driving backwards and forwards head in a spin , then opening the door to suddenly being a responsive mum . At one point my mum was at a hospital 1 1/2 hours away and my dad just had a stroke so could not drive . Physically it is hard meeting everyone’s needs .

Why not have a word with the hospital and ask them to give your husband’s parents a direct call if your husband is ok with it . 
I know if it was my son I would be clean off my head with worry but you just can’t meet all those needs and be there in any meaningful way for your husband and children .

You might like to see if social services have access to any support to allow you to get the help you need . See if the kids can me regarded as essential school attendees . 

Covid is causing untold heartache and havoc in equal measures . But I think it needs some management . How about a WhatsApp call with your sister in law and parents . Maybe propose a suitable time to call but highlight out with that you need to make the children a priority so will be unable to field calls after that but want to find the best way to make sure they are fully informed . 
The fluid in the abdomen is tough . My mum had it post op but again it needs to well managed . My mum was on diuretic meds .

The other thing I was going to ask if your husband knows a bit more about his cell type .

This is all very early days for your husband in terms of diagnosis and navigating a big and complex system at the best of times but remember there is Pals to ensure he is getting a service and the Macmillan helpline can give advice on how to pull this all together .

We are here especially for you just now to give you a safe place to land and help regain your strength .

Court 

That's good to hear, from my own frustrated delays all I can say is keep phoning the hospital, the more you phone the better they will get you booked in. Keep going don't lose hope.

Thank you so so much for your message. Its just all so overwhelming isn't it? No one has offered us any test about his cell type. I am however going to push for a lynch syndrome test as hes only 50 and this Cancer must have been growing for a while.