Partners bowel cancer nightmare

Hi . Sending you a big hug. You need to try and stay strong for another 24 hours and then you will be seeing the oncologist. The oncologist is a specialist in the cancer field and will be a lot better placed to tell you exactly what’s going on and what treatment they have planned. Will you be able to attend the appointment with your partner? Start writing down a list of questions as there is usually a lot to take in and it can be a bit of a ‘caught in the headlights’ moment.

Pleaee stay away from google and don’t try and pre-guess what they are going to say. It might help you to give the nurses on here a ring for a chat on 

0808 808 00 00

or you could try the chat on line option?

The waiting for appointments and scan results is possibly the worse time but hopefully after the meeting tomorrow you will have a treatment plan in place.

Please let us know how you get on

Take care

Karen x

Hi, so sorry to hear your predicament, it's difficult enough with a partner with a cancer diagnosis, but even more so in these Covid19 times when information seems more scarce, and not being able to visit and get face to face information. 

We are early into this process and my husband has been told he's incurable, but that doesn't mean there won't be treatment and there are lots of people who have continued to live long lives with cancer whilst on permanent chemo. I would say to jot all of your questions down ready for tomorrow as it's surprising how the mind empties in these stressful situations.

Secondly but not so easy, try not to panic as you need to be strong for those little ones too, and you'll have a clearer way forward once you see the Oncologist. Although my husband's diagnosis has been quite shocking, having our plan feels like we're moving in a positive, hopeful direction. 

Love Frances xxx

Yes I'm able to go thankfully just because he won't take it in at all. Just waiting is the worse bit isn't it. Got myself a big list and will get them all answered

Hi ,

You are in a very difficult part and had great replies above .

With the spread to the liver location is everything. They prefer to send people to chemo first with good reason . It not only allows shrinkage but can start tackling any microdisease that may be around . They do review and reassess after chemo and if possible look at other options to tackle the spread . Some use maintenance chemo , some surgery ( with curative intent in the UK) and some treatments like Radio Frequency ablation . When it comes to bowel cancer spreading to the liver Bowel primaries have more options and some other primary cancers so I would take Karen’s point on board about watching what sources you read from . Also the dates ! Some are quite old. 

It takes time to come to teams with the treatable but not curable but you will get there . If you click on my user name you can read my mum’s story . 11 1/2 years down the road . It is a very individual journey and tailored to suit his needs .

Hope he gets home soon and surrounded by his family . 

Don’t worry too much about timescales . My mum’s oncologist told her to have a holiday if she liked .

Take care ,

Court 

Thank you for the replies. Talking to people in the same situation is so helpful for me. I suffer terrible from Anxiety so if I'm not given information to process i can process all types of outcomes. 

They said theres a couple of spots on the Liver that seem to have got abit bigger since the last ct scan which was only 3 weeks prior.

Just feel since we found out to tomorrows appointment has been the longest 4 weeks for our lives and hes spent most of that in Hospital. Hr must be getting better as he has if he can go home soon. He got a bad back from losing weight and muscle mass quickly so an old problem has just become a huge one. 

Hi Parthnerofcancerpatient, I know EXACTLY what you are thinking and feeling because we were given the same news 15 months ago. It was frightening beyond belief and I totally understand your panic attacks, believe me.  But! I’ve learned that you ‘don’t know what you don’t know’.  Even though I have been a nurse all my life, my expertise isn’t in oncology. I have to tell you that I was surprised by the extent of treatments that are available, so put your faith in the oncologist and let the story unfold.  I’m not saying that the treatments are a breeze but my husband managed them quite well. He has incurable bowel, liver and lung cancer. So, try not to freak out, I know it’s easier said than done. It’s very early days xx 

Oh I'm sorry. How is he in himself with treatment?

My Sisters a Matron on a children's ward and now she started looking up Oncologist in her hospital and asking them alsorts of questions not theat they can help as they don't no the history but bless her for trying. 

Trying to find out how big and heavy hospital beds at home are? He cant sleep on our mattress at the moment from all his weight lose the firm mattress is a no go. He wants the hospital bed in our room which should fit but its the matter of getting it upstairs and i don't have a clue how to do that. But theres always a way.

Coming onto this site has been a blessing for me to be honest. Just to able to speak with people who understand and not getting the sorry look from people. That just makes me so much worse. 

So tomorrow is the day and i do hope we have a good plan in place. 

Thinking of you and your husband. 

X

good luck for tomorrow

Hi partnerofcancerpatient, 

How about adding the moving of the bed to your list for tomorrow, I'm sure it's something the hospital can organise?

I totally agree with you about being able to talk to people who know without the sorry look, no one really knows unless they are going through it or been through it, this group has helped us no end. 

All the best for tomorrow 

Love Frances xxx

I am sorry to read of your partners recent diagnosis and your worries, you have had some lovely good positive suggestions already of which I can’t add more, but I can say my husband lost over three stone in weight after surgery back in March he couldn’t walk when he came home, the district nurses organised hospital bed and it was delivered and set up by a team who also brought other equipment which was added to as his mobility increased. ......and it was disassembled and taken away by same team as he got better, he regained weight and strength.  May I wish you well for your appointment tomorrow x