New carer to the group

  • 3 replies
  • 12 subscribers

My partner has recently been diagnosed with second degree breast cancer which unfortunately has spread to her bones.

We been advised it is manageable, treatable but not curable

My partner is 50 years old and I am 49.

I give all the love and support I possibly can but sometimes feel helpless.

I guess as a carer to a women I love enormously I am not alone in feeling this emotion? 

I also feel that this is not about me as I am not the one with this terribly illness however, I am finding Macmillan support a great comfort.  

  • FormerMember

    HI Andy

    Welcome to the online community and I know that this is the one place you never thought or wanted to visit but unfortunately the diagnosis of your partner has brought you to us. 

    I am pleased that Macmillans support is a great comfort to you and now that you've reached out to us on the online community you will find even more support from the masses of  friendly people here that will willingly share their experiences with you and give you advice if you need it.

    You may find it useful to join a few more groups where you can meet others in exactly the same position as yourself

    The groups I would like to suggest initially you join are

    Carers only forum group

    Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum group.

    Clicking on the group name above will take you to the home page where you can join the group and start a new discussion if you want or you can read what the other members are talking about.

    The carers only group is purely for people like yourself to come in for a chat, rant or rave, let off steam or ask questions knowing that you will only receive answers from people who care for loved ones and know exactly what you are going through.

    Being a carer is not an easy role, its not something we are trained in and to be quite honest it's a very tiring and exhausting role and many carers put all efforts into looking after their loved ones and don't give a second thought to themselves, it is, however, very important that you look after yourself and take time out to recharge your batteries, the last thing you want is your partner worrying about you. Every so often take yourself out have a pint and read your newspaper or something similar it really will do you the world of good and set you up to continue to look after your partner and attend to her needs.

    You maybe lucky to have a Maggies Centre near to you where you and your partner can go and get some support many people find that the help and support they receive there is very beneficial in helping to face the journey ahead.

    When you join in any of the Macmillan groups we like to ask everyone to keep in touch with us and tell us how you are getting on and enables us to give you all the support you need when you need it and you'll find we are here 7 days a week all day and some very strange hours of the night.

    If I can be of any further help in anything please give me a shout out, I'm The BODACH and here to help.


    If you click on any of the green text above it will open up new pages for you.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hey Andy, I’m Jo and I also have secondary breast cancer to my bones, mostly my spine,!it must be a massive shock to you and your partner, I’m 51 and was first diagnosed in 2012 and 5 years later it’s back but as your oncologist said it’s not curable but manageable. I had a rocky start on certain chemotherapy drugs but everyone is different, I’m now stable on a drug called capcitebine and so far so good, like I said rocky at the beginning but chemotherapy is the devil and can make you feel shite, but I’m living a full life, I look after my grandchildren and I’ve had a fabulous holiday to Turkey in the summer, so I feel it’s.  mind over matter with this disease and I’m loving the support that your giving her, to come on here and find us for advice and information, someone usually will pop on and talk with you and try to answer any questions, we have all been through so much we are a mind of information. 
    keep your chin up, I think she’s gonna have so much support from you, don’t forget there is groups if you want to vent, the other carers on here will be happy to help you.

    Big virtual hug, Jo xxx 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Thank you so very much Jo xx