My dad has just been diagnosed with muscle invasive advanced bladder cancer

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Hi everyone.

My dad has just been diagnosed with muscle invasive advanced bladder cancer. Everything has been dealt with super quick (4 weeks so far) since he presented at A&E with symptoms. He has had a very large tumour removed but the cancer has gone into his muscle and lymph node behind. We are just awaiting results of his most recent scan to make sure it hasn’t travelled to his lungs.

I am worrying about the level of support he will need as both my brother and I live some distance from him and work full time. I have spoken to my local council today to find out how we can move him closer to me (he lives in a caravan on a holiday park) but in the meantime it’s just a waiting game. The caravan I’m sure is not going to be suitable as time goes on. I’m hoping I will allowed to go in to see the consultant with him in the next few weeks when they discuss his options. He is not the most forthcoming with information either. He is also very independent which I know is going to be somewhat taken away from him.

Could anyone give me any idea of the kind of support my dad is going to need so I can prepare myself. Obviously my dad is more important to me than my job and I will need to be prepared to travel at short notice. My dads the type of man that will plough on and not be honest if he needs my help.

thank you,

rily over 3 years ago

Hi Klcla and welcome to the group. Sorry to hear your dad has been diagnosed with muscle invasive bc. Any support your dad would need really depends on the level of treatment he has planned. Also the type of treatment affects different people in different ways. For instance, if he has any chemo, some people sail through it while it can knock others sideways. I had muscle invasive bc but no lymph nodes involved and didn't really need any care. Once you find out the treatment path, we can offer some advice and support going forward. As far as your dad likes to keep things to himself, you need to try and be patient until he opens up. It takes a while for people to come to terms with what they are dealing with. Best wishes.

Best wishes to All, rily.

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Klcla over 3 years ago in reply to rily

Hi Rily,

Thank you for your reply. Yes that is all very true! Thank you. I will be patient with Dad and await his treatment plan. I hope your treatment went well?

winkers60 over 3 years ago in reply to Klcla

Hi Kicla,Welcome to the group.This is a supportive place so we are here for you and your dad.It is all a bit overwhelming to start with but people tend to feel better once they have a treatment plan.It will be good if you can go to see the consultant with your dad.It’s useful to have another person there to ask questions and take notes.Best wishes Jane

Ianw over 3 years ago

Unfortunately each case is different. I would definitely see if you can go into the consult with your Dad, covid rules may apply, but write down the kind of questions you need to ask.

Macmillian does provide a lot of support, but you really won't know what kind of support your Dad will need until you've had the consult. To give an example, I had chemo before surgery and was bothered about the journey to and from the Hospital. Transport was available, but I found that I didn't need it. I checked in on my own and only needed some one to travel home with me in case I felt sick, or tired. In fact, apart from fatigue going home I was generally fine.

It's a case of one step at a time, but do ask questions. Fingers crossed

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My dad has just been diagnosed with muscle invasive advanced bladder cancer