My sixth and final tomorrow, then the wait to see if it's worked...think I've tolerated it well...looking forward to Summer Solstice on Saturday...what a journey to this point. Thankfully with helpful comments from various people on this forum I am still here. Left out the part of my suicide attempt after my dog passed away ...before my cancer diagnosis and this wild rollercoaster ride to where I am now. I have never been on my own in my entire life, when Peter my dog passed I was left on my own, unable to cope, terrified of a future and hopeless as to where the heck this would all lead...nowhere I wanted to be. I have been blessed with love life and everything...now alone all I felt was loss and emptiness. Low days like I have never known...what I never could have ever imagined was those who stepped up with kindness, support and encouragement. To those people I owe my life. So here I am. Living. Keeping going all we had...two funds...they are what connects us...me Peter Kenny and Shane...all of us together as one. While I keep our funds going I keep us going...we did this we made this happen ...it's ours. In Memory of Hannah Hasty Research Fund at Surrey School of Veterinary Medicine and Peter's Tribute at PDSA. The light catchers in my window have woken me with the most beautiful light show over the walls, I have kept a daily journal, surrounded myself with photos of Peter Kenny and Shane...got a sacred place where I keep my Homeward candles and Keeper of the Light. I have a crochet for beginners workshop in July and make your first crochet animal in August. Check up for first cancer in October and hoping all has gone well with this second cancer and BCG induction course has worked which hopefully I will know September/October. Not a new life, that I couldn't do, a reworking of our life...that I can do. I never thought I would say let alone think it, but I am glad my suicide failed, I am not sorry of both my cancer diagnoses...I have learnt a lot and have much left to offer. Thank you all. Each and every person has given me a reason to be here and make the best of the life I have.
Hello ‘DippyHippy’
My name is Lizzie and I’m part of the team here at Macmillan’s Online Community. We hope that the community is continuing to support you with the advice and guidance that you're looking for.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog and the incredibly difficult time you went through afterward. It sounds like you were carrying a great deal of pain, and I can only imagine how hard that must have been. I’m really pleased to hear that you’re feeling much better now. Please remember that you don’t have to face things on your own, if you ever need support or someone to talk to, there are people who care and are ready to listen.
If you’re ever feeling low in mood and are worried about hurting yourself, please do call NHS 111 on 111 for England and Scotland, NHS Direct Wales on 0845 46 47 for Wales and you can find an out of hours service on NI direct if you’re in Northern Ireland. These services are available to help when you can’t get a GP appointment for any reason.
I appreciate this can be a difficult conversation to have but your doctor may be able to offer a telephone appointment should you find it more comfortable to explain how you are feeling.
It can help to talk to someone who is there to listen and support you. You can talk to someone here at Macmillan by calling 0808 808 00 00 from 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week. Our teams are here to listen and can help you access the support you need. There is also a team of Nurses you can talk to about treatment side effects and support options. If you’d prefer to not call, you can email or use live webchat during the opening hours.
If you need emotional support outside of the Macmillan Support Line opening hours (8am- 8pm) the Samaritans are there to help 24/7 by calling 116 123, using live webchat or sending an email.
We wish you all the best with your BCG induction course and hope it goes well. Please do keep posting in the forum if you have any questions, would like to share how you're feeling, or just need a supportive space to talk.
Best wishes,
Lizzie
Macmillan Online Community Team
Sixth dose of BCG induction course done. Four weeks rest...feels very much like freedom, with the two cancers since December haven't had a week without treatment, appointments or check ups...be visiting Memorial Woodlands (I visit every month but couldn't during BCG induction course) where my darling dog Peter and my beloved Kenny and Shane are and wait for me...going to take a picnic which was always our favourite...spend a nice quiet day there, take my book, top up energies...love them so.
