How to get through when hope is lost

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Hello,

My Dad was diagnosed with bile duct cancer over the Summer and has rapidly deteriorated since then. He is now at home and on end of life care.

I'm feeling so lost at the moment. My Mum is with him and I've been going over most days to be there and help in any way I can. I'm sick at the moment so I can't go over as I don't want either of them to catch what I have, but when I can go back over how can I make my Dad feel comforted? We sit and talk with him a lot and take him food but he's feeling a range of emotions (understandably) - sadness, frustration, loss, fear - and I don't know how to be more there for him.

I also feel very on edge all the time and like there isn't any point doing anything, I can't connect with anything I used to enjoy and I'm scared of arranging anything in case ...it happens.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks in advance

latchbrook over 2 years ago

Hi Stardust and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

I'm really sorry to read that your dad has incurable bile duct cancer, and I can understand what a difficult time this will be for the whole family.

I'm not a member of this group but I noticed that your post hadn't had any replies yet. I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you also post in the supporting someone with incurable cancer group, which I can see you've joined, as then you'll connect directly with others who are supporting a loved one with an incurable diagnosis.

If this is something that you'd like to do, clicking on the link I've created will take you straight there.

Sending virtual (((hugs)))

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

LovingHeart over 2 years ago

Hi @Stardust so sorry you and your family is having to deal with this. Bile Duct cancer is really horrible. I can't really help with your questions - everyone seems to have a slightly different path with this cancer and my partner's progress is much slower than your father's, so I'm not yet having to face the things you are.

It's really hard to support both of your parents as well as dealing with your own emotions. Your feelings of not being able to focus on anything meaningful are very familiar! I would really encourage you to link in with people who know about all of this. I know it's difficult to work out where to turn, and it has to be right for you. I got some counselling (through work) which really helped me. Tthe group mentioned by @latchbrook should help. And you could call the MacMillan helpline. Do you have a Maggie's Centre near you? Does his hospital have end-of-life specialist support?

If you want to link in with people who have specific experience of Bile Duct Cancer, there's an active group on Facebook, Cholangiocarcinoma Support (UK and Europe) which I've found helpful.

Very best wishes with all of this.

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