Emotional Turbulence. A Positive Story.

<span;>Hi, I'm Lyn.

When I was diagnosed I found the experiences of others who have gone through the huge range of emotions that diagnosis, treatment, scans, check-ups etc all bring. For me diagnosis was 2013, though I remember it as if it was yesterday.

<span;>I'd like to talk about just some of the emotional issues associated with cancer & how I dealt with them.

<span;>The two most difficult times for me were getting my head around diagnosis & the 3month wait for the scan following completion of treatment.

<span;>Diagnosis, at that point, was stage 4 anal cancer (because the tumour was large it was "thought" it must have spread, hence the stage 4). It was 6 weeks before we were told it hadn't).
<span;>I'm generally a positive person & felt at that  low point there must be something I could do to help myself through this period. Crying wasn't what I wanted to spend any more time on - especially if time was short!  I realised that looking forward was causing most of the turbulent & negative emotions. So I decided to only look ahead a week at a time. It helped but only a little. Still believing I was on the right track my thoughts were, OK if a week won't do it how about a day? It worked. Each day was a new day, I was here, I was alive & nothing negative was going to happen so I'd still be here for the whole day! If a thought beyond a day popped into my head I simply said to myself "no, I refuse to think about that now".  Being retired enabled us to make a point of doing something every day rather than sitting at home, even if it was only lunch out or a drive. That helped too.

<span;>I realise this won't work for everyone but my advice is that you have to find what works for you. Try, fail, try something else & keep on trying. There's a good chance you'll find what helps you to get through those 1st difficult weeks.

<span;>An emotion that I really never ever expected came at the end of treatment (chemo & 5 weeks of Monday to Friday radiotherapy). All the time I was going through treatment my emotions were quite settled - I assume because "something was being done". I'd had quite a difficult time as the radiotherapy had burned me badly & treatment had to take a break, so to reach the final day I was absolutely on a high. Then came the next day. What now? Has it worked? What if it hasn't? Here we go again - I could see the possibility that it wouldn't take much to be back on that emotional roller-coaster again whilst I waited for that very important next scan, 12 weeks + result time away. So once again I dug deep to get me through this period that I hadn't expected to be difficult.

<span;>Cancer is a biggy, we all know that & whilst I'd never had cancer before, I had faced a pretty big life changing issue just 15 months earlier. I'd had my spine reconstructed top to bottom as osteoarthritis had caused it to collapse. When cancer hit my emotions included anger to have gone through that surgery, spent 5 months laying flat & now in a wheelchair only to have cancer the following year! I don't enjoy anger & there wasnt anything  being achieved with it! So there really wasn't a choice but to make my spinal surgery another reason to beat cancer. I hadn't gone all through that to let cancer take me out!

<span;>It was 5½ years & many check-ups before I heard those glorious words "you're in remission".  Now it's almost 9 years since diagnosis. As a result of writing that last sentence I'm suddenly even more aware just how powerful the emotional turmoil must have been to have such a clear recollection 9 years later.

<span;>Throughout my life I've learned that if you can dig deep & try as many things as possible to get back on track (including outside help if necessary) it will stand you in good stead for many of life's curve balls!

<span;>I wish all who are at the beginning of their cancer journey the benefit of someone to talk to, the best oncologists, the support of loved ones & the ability to search & find the inner strength you didn't know you had.  If you've never needed, or even believed that "A Positive Mental Attitude" may in some way help, it costs nothing to try.  I do actually believe my life is easier than it would be without a PMA.

<span;>Onwards & upwards.
<span;>Lyn