Sex after chemoradiotherapy

Chrissie

I was diagnosed at 70 and prior to radiotherapy my husband and I enjoyed an active sex life - not quite as in our youth but really enjoyable none-the-less! 

So I live in hope we will again.

Irene xx 

Hi Irene , 

we are a similar age and lived through the sexual revolution in the 60s … being intimate is important at whatever age or stage of your life .. 

have a peaceful weekend 

Chrissie xx

Hi, I have posted before about this so apologies to anyone who has heard it all before. I am 3 years post treatment. I found the hard plastic dilators really painful and made me bleed, so I bought a set of silicone ones. They are much gentler to use but I carried on bleeding whenever I put one in; I couldn't get it in very far so had a bit of a break to see if I would heal a little. 

To cut a long story short, I am no further forward. The smallest dilator goes in a bit with a wiggle and a shove, but it still makes me bleed. Trying to actually have sex was no good, so we have sadly now given up. I know there are 'other things' we can do but it's all become a bit embarrassing, and not at all loving or sexy.

My advice would be 'don't give up', especially if it is important to you. I think having that break of a few weeks to try and let myself heal actually caused the scar tissue forming in my vagina to get worse.

Hi Mrs Vanilla, when I had problems vaginally they sent me to the hospital gynaecologist who gave me a smear and also checked me internally. He said my skin was remarkably in good spec but I do have scar tissue just at entry that has formed in a tight tender knot and quite tight muscles (all that pelvic floor training) which is my problem. I’m going to try vitamin e massage to see if I can break it down. I don’t think we should get signed off as a lost case and hopefully they will send you to the appropriate department for further investigation. I also purchased the silicone dilators after reading of the American anal cancer site that these were more appropriate for anal cancer treatment but the difference between those hard little pink blighters and the silicone is they do stretch the internal skin over time and the silicone ones are far more gentle and don’t. I would have a lovely warm bath to relax everything down there and just take my time with plenty of yes oil based lubricant for the dilators. Relaxing is the key as it’s quite stressful when our brain expects pain and we tighten up. But I do think you should at least get checked out internally to see if everything is okay. 

Julie

Thanks Julie, 

Thanks for pointing me towards this, I might have another try now and will def talk to GP as I thought it was hopeless.

I did try to have a smear about a year after treatment, but although between us we managed to get the speculum inside, the nurse could not get it to open and it became a bit of a bloodbath as you can imagine - she told me there is a good blood supply down there so it does bleed easily.

My GP then rang my onc who advised that smears were pointless in someone who had had pelvic radiotherapy as the results are inaccurate. So no more smears for me anyway.

Good luck with  your efforts, too.

Hello Chrissie49 

the Silicone dilators are far more “user friendly” but 3 years post treatment whilst we have had relations several times I still find it very uncomfortable and my skin is still fragile and always tears a little. I have started using a new vaginal pessary called Intrarorosa (prasterone). My GP prescribed it after some bribing! It has helped (part of hormone replacement treatment) as it’s really helped my skin downstairs so that we can at least attempt it on the odd occasion. I know I should use the dilators more often too (perseverance is key!) but I’m a bit squeamish about that sort of thing (have always had a problem with smear tests! But now I’ve been told I don’t have to have smear tests anymore (unless you have symptoms) but seem in here some people are told they do and others not!). Both my oncologists at The Marsden have said not required as the chemoradiation alters the cells so cannot get a proper reliable reading from a smear test once you’ve had this treatment). 

Here is a link to some info on the Intrarosa…

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/what-is-intrarosa-and-how-do-i-use-it/

Hope that helps 

PPR x 

Ahh thanks for that PPR, 

I have no problem with the dilators but I think I’m scared of the real thing !!! Lol ? He seems to go so far in but then I hesitate if that’s the best way to describe it …

I’m sure things will get better as  we have been very close throughout my treatment … 

take care 

Chrissie xx

Totally relate to that too! So maybe something to help you relax before hand? The more relaxed you are the less likely you are to tense up and feel hesitant. Then hopefully if you are successful you’ll be naturally more relaxed about it going forward? Might be worth chatting to your GP and asking them what they can suggest. If it helps in the short term to just “get you back in the saddle” as it were!! Xx 

Hi all

I've read through these posts on sex after.  I've just started a new relationship and am panicking about the sex side of things.  I am worried about it all.   I said I've had cancer treatment and its a bit delicate down there but don't think he understands and I don't want to be too graphic as its such a new relationship!!  Tried sex few days ago with him and didn't manage full penetration and I spent the whole time on edge and not enjoying it!  I think he did though as  I managed to please him without full penetration. I was too embarassed to explain how I felt.  I am just not comfortable down there - it gets sore so easily and I noticed afterwards that there was a small amount of blood.  

I haven't been good at using the dilators.  I thought relationships were in the past for me - I'm 68 and single. Nothing works like it used to down there - I'm 17 months post treatment now and still need loo first thing in morning for bowels, still take laxido, still get aching hips, still get tired. Any advice welcome!

Carole

Ahh Carole , bless, you have my sympathy .. I’m 4 months post treatment , using dilators every other day at largest one , but still struggling with penetrative sex . I’m in my 70s , 3 years into my relationship and not ready to give sex up yet ..we have other ways of being intimate .. try and relax and embrace the new relationship with ease 

big hugs 

Chrissie xx