Depression

Hello, 

Do you have someone at home you can talk to? I’m sorry I don’t know the previous chat as I haven’t been on for a wee while. I’m 3 years NED . Please never loose hope. Are you on anti depressants yet? If not can you contact your doctor asap? They will not help immediately but can let you take a step back and breathe. 
I also used Bachs rescue remedy. It’s a spray you use in your mouth which can help if you are having a panic attack. Available over the counter at Holland and Barret or boots. 

Depression is an awful state of mind but can get better. 
sending strength. 

Lorna x 

Hi Ann bos  so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. You're only just out of treatment and this is a strange place to be. You have a daily routine when having treatment which keeps you going, when the last day of treatment ends, it can be quite an empty feeling.   After my last session of radiotherapy I walked out of the room and burst into tears, no idea why!  Unfortunately, once the busy days of attending hospital  for treatment + appointments finish there's plenty of time to think. This is when what you have been through and continue to go through can suddenly hit you. Cancer truly is a life changing diagnosis. That peace of mind and trust in our bodies formerly enjoyed, has been whisked away.   Please consider telephoning your GP and impress on the receptionist just how awful you are feeling and insist you speak to a doctor today (face to face appointments are always better but a telephone appointment would do ). My GP prescribed a short course of Zopiclone (sleeping tablets) along with Propranolol for the panic attacks I was having and upped the dose of antidepressants I was already on as I already suffered from depression, a cancer diagnosis did not help!. The Zopiclone helped me get some much needed rest. When you are not sleeping, your mental resilience is lowered which makes an already bad situation a whole lot worse.  The Propranolol helped with the panic attacks within a couple of days.  I also had counselling with an Oncological Counsellor which hugely helped and I hope that your counselling can  start quite soon for you.   Please always post here, as you have done, we are all here for you.  Also, you can call the Macmillan Support Services for emotional support. Most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week,  it's free to call on 0808 808 00 00  have a look by Clicking here   Bev x

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If it helps to hear, I hit a very deep bout of darkness and depression after treatment ended and  toward the end of internal wound recovery. It terrified me. At that point, I had started decreasing my pain meds (hydrocodone and ER morphine tablets) and had been prescribed Xanax to help me sleep and to stave off the panic attacks/anxiety I was experiencing. I was fortunate to have two friends that I could call in the middle of night when it was the worst, and that really helped -- reaching out to people who knew how to listen and be present for me (as you've discovered, not everyone can). One of my friends works at a suicide hotline, she was great. My doctors started to put me on Lexapro (antidepressant), but I held off and discovered that once I moved onto lower doses of opioids, the severe darkness/depression abated. Is it possible that you are on medication (opioids) that are contributing to your depression? That said, this experience alone is enough to cause depression. And if you need the support now, do what is right for you. Please know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Anal cancer can be deeply traumatic and painful and destabilizes the most basic human activities: eating and elimination. Telling you to be positive is not helpful. You are having a very valid, natural response to a really hard situation. I hope counseling comes through quickly for you. Meanwhile, you are not alone. Sending hugs... xoxo