Hi all! 
️
I’m new to the forum and wanted to share a little of our story.
My poor wee mum has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer, and we unexpectedly received this devastating diagnosis back in June/July.
We already had a family holiday to Scotland planned, and although health professionals initially advised us to cancel, we are so incredibly glad we didn’t. Following Mum’s diagnosis, we were encouraged to go away as a family and spend precious time together. During that trip, my parents were able to remarry in Scotland. It was all very last-minute, but with the support of the most incredible celebrant, we made it happen. She has since become a very dear friend to our family, and it was truly one of the most special experiences of our lives.
Mum was initially given just a few short months, and thankfully, here we are 4–5 months later. Her original consultant wasn’t particularly proactive or positive, but her new consultant has been much more hopeful and is adamant about supporting Mum. We are now being encouraged to hope for a year with her. I still don’t quite know whether that means a year in total or a year from now, but I suppose we are learning to take each day as it comes.
As Mum’s birthday approaches, we are all feeling the weight of knowing that this could potentially be her last. She is receiving chemotherapy, and we are grateful that there has been no change in the size of the tumour, but I don’t think any of us really knows how to process everything we are feeling.
And then there is Christmas. The possibility of this being our last Christmas together is something I can hardly put into words. What an incredible privilege it is to know that we have the opportunity to make it extra special, but at the same time, how utterly heartbreaking. There is so much love, gratitude and joy, but it is all intertwined with the sadness of knowing what may lie ahead.
I’m only in my 30s, and I never imagined I would be facing the loss of my mum at this age. Anticipating grief before the actual loss is such a heavy and complicated thing. You find yourself grieving moments that haven’t even happened yet, whilst desperately trying to be present for the ones you still have.
I just wanted to share this with anyone else who may be facing their own “lasts” with a loved one this Christmas. Whether it’s their last birthday, last Christmas, or simply another precious day together, please know that I will be thinking of you all on Christmas Day.
Sending so much love to anyone navigating this heartbreaking journey. ️
