Took my partner to A+E just over two weeks ago for extreme breathlessness and weakness. His face was also mottled grey and yellow. Long story short they kept him in, did an endoscopy, took a biopsy, then CT scan. Turns out he has a massive tumour in his stomach that has enveloped his pancreas, one kidney, and has metastasised in his liver. There is also a necrotic mass in one part of his liver. We are home now but waiting impatiently for histology results to go to the surgery and oncology team meeting so they can suggest a plan. I can’t sleep, neither of us can eat (though I make sure I cook every day), and although friends and family know it is cancer he doesn’t want to really talk to them until it has officially been staged and treatment suggested. It’s so hard to hear it all being downplayed, which is absolutely his perogative, but it leaves me feeling alone. I’m the only one who knows he needs 24 hour care. And I’m the only one who provides it. And we have never lived together though I’ve moved in now. I feel out of my depth. It’s a lot for a fortnight! I have chronic illnesses and am grieving the loss of my son last year. I expect this is TMI but this is my first post and I needed to get that out, sorry.
Hi Bjorkish and a warm welcome to the Macmillan Community but I am sorry to hear about your partners diagnosis.
I know from experience having been on my cancer journey for over 26 years with two very rare, hard to treat types of Non Hodgkin’s Lymphomas (one incurable), Asbestosis and recently Prostate Cancer that navigating this journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but talking with and getting support from people who have walked or are walking the ‘exact same' treatment journey, be it as a patient or caregiver can help a lot.
This New to Community area is like our reception desk where we try and link you in with the best areas in the community. The community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) so can I recommend you look to join and post in our dedicated…….
……. support groups.
These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
As for the practical and emotional challenges of supporting your partner and indeed yourself you may benefit from joining and posting in our general cancer……
……. support group where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
It is an emotional time supporting family so you might find this Macmillan information your feelings when someone has cancer helpful as well as this link getting help with your emotions.
As always the Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
