My wife was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in March 2025. She had chemo and immuno therapy and at the end of the treatment the scans showed cancer was below detectable limits. So all was good!
my wife decided to have a double mastectomy which she had in November 2025 followed by 15 sessions of radiotherapy in January 2026.
she was admitted to hospital due to severe headaches and scans showed that she had at least 5 lesions in a “busy area” of her brain so surgery was not an option.
the cancer is incurable but it can be managed. We still don’t know what managed means and maybe we don’t want to….
she had 5 sessions of full brain radiotherapy and since this treatment was completed around 8 weeks ago, she has gotten weaker. She has been in hospital 3 times and each of these times they said it’s due to weaning off the steroids. Now we are on the 3rd attempt of steroid weaning. She was on 16mg and she is down to 4mg. We are on holiday in the uk and oncologist told her it was ok to maintain a 4mg dose whilst we were away and then restart the weaning process when we get back.
as the holiday has gone on, she has become more and more fatigued. She has been out of bed for 2 hours today and we have spent a few hours talking and crying and I’m sure that she has given up. She has been given the option of taking chemo tablets when we return but making a decision is difficult - how do we offset the side effects with the benefits? My wife hasn’t been told that the cancer is terminal so for me there is hope but I understand her frustration especially as she can’t see or feel any improvement. She can’t walk very far so I’ve bought her a wheel chair. She can’t potter around because she’s struggling to get up. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi Bonnie lad16 and I am sorry to hear about the challenges your wife and indeed yourself are facing.
My journey is rather different so it would be good for you to connect with others who understand.
I see you posted in the community in April last year…. so you my remember that Community is actually divided into dedicated Support Groups (Discussion Rooms) where you can connect directly with others navigating this unwanted care giving journey.
So can I recommend that you join and post in our dedicated….
Supporting someone with incurable cancer
……. support groups where you will connect with a wide range of members navigating the exact same support challenges.
These groups are safe places to talk to others who may have a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support from family members who are navigating the same support journey.
To connect with a group click on the “Bold Links” I have created above …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.
When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [+] in the top right of the group page.
You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.
As always the Macmillan Support Line is open between 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00…… this service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.
You both have had a rough time…. let’s look for some calmness to find its way into your lives.
